Can You Keep A Secret?

Chapter Thirty-One

-Liv's POV-

He had begged me not to make him go home, saying that it would be worse if he came home at 2am, soaking wet and reeking of vomit, only to tell his mum that he'd gotten smashed, and then destroyed his car – So, whether it was the right choice or not, I let him stay over mine for the night.

I'd found him by chance as I was searching for him – He was wondering down the road, not too far from the crash. He was unharmed expect for a gash on his head – He'd also convinced me not to take him to A&E, saying that he was sick of the hospital and that he was okay, really – I knew what had happened the last time someone insisted that they were fine when they weren't, but he looked so pathetic and desperate, and I knew what he meant about hospitals, so I gave in to him again.

When we got back to mine, I'd helped clean his cut, then put his clothes in the laundry as he showered. I found some of my dad's pajamas that he could put on afterwards – They would be a bit baggy, but otherwise fine.

He walked out of the bathroom smiling shyly, flopping around one of the long sleeves.

"C'mere," I said, motioning for him to come over to me. We sat, cross-legged, side by side on my bed. We slowly shuffled around until he was laying with his head on my lap. He looked up at me, and he looked so small in that moment – It reminded me of when we were younger.

"Do you remember that time you fell out of the big tree in my backyard and broke your arm?" I asked.

"Yeah, and you thought I was faking it and got me an ice pop to shut me up," he smiled.

"To be fair, you did stop crying," I commented.

"Your mum almost killed you when she found out, though." I grimaced.

"Remember when you sang at a talent show for the first time? And you were so afraid that nobody would like it, but they loved it. The room went silent as soon as you started to sing." I ran my fingers through his hair.

"Remember when you lost your tooth when you went bobbing for apples?"

"Oh God, I didn't eat apples for a year. Scarred me for life, that did."

We stayed like that, talking about our memories, for what felt like hours, until he couldn't stay awake anymore

He mumbled, "Just know that I love you, no matter what," before he drifted off. He looked so peaceful, so serene. I didn't know what was swirling around in his mind when he was awake, what made him want to die, or to take a car ride when he was drunk beyond belief.

It hit me that I almost lost him twice in one week, and nobody had done anything to stop it. There was the possibility that he wouldn't be here, talking about memories with me – He would've only been a memory. I cried quietly, looking down at him.

I slowly and carefully moved him so that he was resting on the pillow instead. It was weird to think that we were here now – It was easy to think of him as still being 10 years old with me, running through the woods, where nothing seemed to have a consequence, where it seemed like the good times would never end. It seemed like just yesterday we were sitting at my kitchen counter, him trying to land grapes in my mouth, laughing until we cried.

But now, even though we practically lived together, I had never felt so far away, or so disconnected from him. I knew that people grew apart, but there was nobody who meant quite as much to me as he did. Nobody had ever warned me just how much growing up sucked. I got up, turning the light off as I left the room.

"No matter what," I whispered.