Can You Keep A Secret?

Chapter Forty-Eight

-Andy's POV-

Chad hadn't asked too many questions when I'd showed up at his house, probably looking like death itself, and once again getting soaked by a torrential rainfall. I'd put most of the money I'd earned into the bank – nearly £2k – but saved a little to pay him for any expenses of my staying there.

He'd refused to take anything, and I sort of understood why – The place was massive. He'd briefly explained to me that he'd developed the code for some new video game or something that practically made him an overnight success. Long story short – Crisps and beer for all, and I could stay there for as long as I wanted. Hell, the house was big enough that I could probably move all of my things in and live there full time, and he'd probably never even know.

For a while, the numb feeling lasted, but each time it started to wear off, I drank it away, reminding myself that they were all better off without me – Probably living the high life now that I was away. Ah, yes, for once in my life I'd made the right choice, or at least I was able to convince myself of that as the days were meandered by, never fully sober.

I was rooting around in his freezer for the frozen chicken nuggets he'd told me about when people had first started to file in. Chad peeked his head into the kitchen, briefly mentioning how he liked to throw small parties on Saturday nights before disappearing around the corner again.

I'd shrugged it off, taking his word for it, and focused my attention back to the search for chicken nuggets. An hour later, I was getting the feel of just how much he'd under exaggerated – I'd finally found the nugs, only to have them taken away mere moments after having removed them from the oven, with a holler of "Man, Chad sure does provide quality snacks at his parties!"

Tired and drunk, I'd almost burst into tears as I watched them get carried away – The feat of getting them ready had seemed as impressive as completing a triathlon. The first time I'd taken them out of the oven, I'd popped one into my mouth, only to find that it was still frozen cold. Putting it back in, my hand had scraped up against the side of the oven, burning it.

The wound throbbed as I made my way out of the kitchen and into the mess of people – Some looked vaguely familiar from my school days, but most were complete strangers. All were annoying as I tried to make my way to the lost nuggets, and it seemed as if the world's entire population had showed up just to make the task even harder.

Quickly enough, I realized that my precious snacks were most likely demolished by then, and I would be better off just trying to find something else to eat, as disappointing as that revelation was. However, there was no apparent way out of the crowd, so I gave up on that mission as well and just danced.

I was soon stopped again by a hand on my wrist – "Oh my God, Andy, is that you?" A girl yelled. "Aren't you in a band now?"

I had no idea who she was, but had the vague sense that I should, so I simply nodded and smiled politely. Before I had time to react, she had her arm around me and was pulling me in for a selfie.

"Cheese!" She yelled before temporarily blinding me with the flash. I blinked rapidly, trying to regain my bearings as she laughed.

"Oh my God, you're so drunk, aren't you?" She questioned. Once again, before I had time to reply, she was gone again, sucked up by the crowd. The entire night seemed to move at that lightning speed pace, and I couldn't seem to keep up.

I downed cup after cup of lukewarm beer, trying to loosen up and enjoy myself. I was refilling my cup again when Chad came back. I was so happy to see a familiar face that I gathered him into a sloppy hug. He laughed uncomfortably, peeling me off of him.

"Laya, this is Andy," he introduced me to a girl standing beside him. She had a black pixie cut and a lip piercing, and she sort of reminded me of Mikey, which made me drink the remnants of my cup once again.

I had the general idea that Chad, or maybe the girl, were trying to talk to me, but I couldn't make out a thing other than the pounding music over the buzz in my head. It was then that I was convinced that I'd found Liv. She was somewhere amongst the crowd.

I yelled some sort of apology before pushing through the crowd, a blind excitement mounting inside of me. She had come all this way just to see me! I had no idea how she'd found me, but I didn't care – This was my movie moment. As I got closer, I yelled her name, but she didn't turn around. I figured that she, too, was simply caught up into the music.

I decided to surprise her by throwing my arms around her as soon as I reached her, slurring some form of "I'm so glad to see you!"

I was quickly thrown off, though, and when she turned around, I found that it wasn't Liv at all. Hurt and shocked, I tried to apologize, only to find that I could no longer take in any air. What had previously been fun, or at least a distraction, suddenly became too much.

Somehow, I was able to break out of the crowd. Gasping for air as if I was dying, I opened and closed doors until finding a bathroom. I almost fell inside, taking what seemed like an eternity to lock the door.

I got a glimpse of myself in the mirror – I could hardly recognize myself. My eyes were bloodshot, and my hair was matted with sweat against the sides of my head. I looked like somebody who had lost control – I pushed myself away from my reflection, disgusted by what I saw, before thinking again.

I leaned forward over the sink and punched the glass – it shattered almost instantly, making a tinkling sound as it fell to a million pieces all over the floor. My hand bled, and I picked a small piece of glass out of it, making sure to toss it into the trash.

I looked at the mess around me that I had created, realizing that it was a metaphor of my life, as well – In trying to destroy myself, I created a mess much bigger than I intended to, and bits and pieces of me were reflected in each and every piece of it.

I knew that I should probably clean it up, but just the thought of doing so exhausted me. I would have to save it for the morning. I climbed into the bathtub and allowed myself to black out.