Can You Keep A Secret?

Chapter Six

       

-Andy's POV-

            What had happened in the past hour didn't seem real to me – but the insistent pounding my head was, unfortunately, all too real for me. I was more than ready to go home, but when I stood up, the world seemed to tilt sideways and the ache in my head intensified.

            "Whoa, whoa, slow down. I think you should sit back down," Rye said, hands on my back, guiding me safely back down into a sitting position. "You're lucky I don't cart you off to A&E right now," he threatened.

            "I'll be fine," I said, but even as I spoke, I wasn't sure of it, either. Everything seemed to be overcrowding my senses, and my throat felt like it was on fire. I wanted the world to go away; to lie down and take a long, long nap – Preferably, in the comfort of the flat, but I didn't want to risk anyone finding out, and moving too far from my current position didn't seem like an option right now.

            "Please promise me you won't tell anyone," I croaked, embarrassed at how awful my voice sounded.

            "I don't know..." I could see the worry lines on his face, imagine the conflict going around in his head right now.

            "Please," I pleaded, knowing that I was in no position to be asking anything of him, feeling as if I might start crying again. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.

            "Let me at least tell Blair. And before you object, let me explain why. Even if you swear up and down that you won't do it again, how can I know for sure that you're being truthful?" I tried to speak up, promise him once again that I wouldn't – And I wasn't trying to bullshit him, either. I didn't want to die, had hardly even thought about it before – I'd made a horribly terrible choice – But he interrupted me before I could finish.

            "Look at it from my point of view. I want to keep you safe. I can't bear the thought of losing you. Some people might idolize you, but you're human too. Your actions have consequences." I tried to speak again – that's not what I was thinking at all - But once again, he silenced me.

            "And...I don't know what you're comfortable with speaking about. But, I want you to be safe in more than just the physical aspect. It...it breaks my heart to think that you're so unhappy right now that you'd rather not be alive." I didn't bother trying to speak out again, knowing it was pointless. "But we're going to have to make some changes so you don't feel this way anymore. And I don't know if anything I'm doing is right. I'll be honest, I have no idea how to handle situations like this. I want an adult's advice on it. It's too much to handle alone," he finished.

            I could hear the pain, the worry in his voice, so as much as the thought of anyone else finding out, of what Blair would do, made me feel like I was drowning again, I nodded silently. Clearly, being the only one in control of my life and my problems wasn't getting me anywhere good, anyways.

            "I'm afraid," I admitted quietly.

            "I know. I'm sorry. But I love you."

            "I love you too...and no, I...I'm sorry. I'm the one who should be sorry. I wish I could explain but..." I broke into tears. It was too much, too much.

            "How about we just get you somewhere cool where you can rest for now? Don't...don't try to overwork yourself," Rye said, and I could already feel how this had changed things, how he was worried, watching my every move, as if I was a little kid again, but I appreciated it for now. It was nice to have somebody on my side, to know that somebody cared – Even when nobody else did. Even when I didn't.

            He helped me get back up, and the rush when I stood was so intense that I almost blacked out right then and there. The walk to a shadowy spot seemed to take forever, and each step was painful. It took all my effort and concentration to focus on not collapsing. I managed to get out one final, vital thing before passing out again – "I think Liv needs to go."