Can You Keep A Secret?

Chapter One Hundred and Three

           

-Liv's POV-

            "How long has he been here?" I asked, looking at the sleeping silhouette on the front porch's swing. My sister, Alex, shrugged.

            "A couple of hours, I guess. Maybe four or five."

            "And you didn't let him in?" She shrugged again.

            "I didn't know what kind of terms yous were on."

            "I mean, not the best, but not locking him outside for the night, either." I flicked the porch light on, watching how it created shadows in his cheekbones.

            "It was not night when he got here. More like, late afternoon or something."

            "If it had been Andy, would you have let him in?" Her playful smirk told me all that I needed to know. "I'm probably going to have to talk to him, aren't I?" I sighed. I wasn't sure when I would've preferred to have the talk, but it appeared that I no longer had a choice in the matter.

            "I can always shoo him away with a broom," Alex suggested. I shook my head, smiling slightly. "Hey." She pulled me in for a hug. "Good luck. It'll be fine."

            "Thank you." I tried to put on a brave face.

            "If all else fails, you have Andy."

            "Oh, shut up," I laughed, already heading out the door. I didn't wake him up right away, instead opting to sit beside him while he slept. He had stretched out across the swing, and I had to gently move his legs a little bit in order to fit in. Seeing him look so peaceful made me want to take him back, no questions asked, but how beautiful he was wasn't a good reason to continue a relationship if it wasn't working out.

            I was weighing out the pros and cons in my head and lightly pushing the swing back and forth with the tips of my toes when Mikey let out a snore, which worked to wake himself up. My affection for him rose as he began to stir and I leaned over, tucking a piece of hair behind his ear and murmured, "Hello, sleepyhead." His lips curled up into a smile, and I had to fight the urge to kiss him right then and there. He sat up slowly, yawning before reality sunk back in. He leaned back, running his hand through his hair.

            "Where were you?"

            "I was just out with some friends." I looked down at my shoes, wondering if I would've come back earlier or later if I had known that he was here. "How did you convince Blair to let you come here?" I asked, avoiding the question that I really wanted to ask, which was why are you here, and remembering him laying down the law with "nobody goes anywhere alone" rule. I scanned the yard, making sure that Jack wasn't hiding behind one of the bushes or something.

            "It took some convincing. It helped that I haven't gotten into any sort of real trouble yet, and the others put in a good word for me." Crickets chirped as the silence settled around us again.

            "So," I said, breaking it, unsure of where to go from here. Things had always been so easy between us, which made this rut all the more difficult to get out of – We simply had no experience with it.

            "So," Mikey repeated me. "I came to apologize. And a million sorry's will never be enough, and I will never forgive myself for hurting you. I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry, Liv. I hope you know how much I mean that."

            "I don't know," I said, mocking seriousness. "I think you need to say it a few more times."

            "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He slid off of the swing and onto his knees, grabbing my hands with his own. "I am so fucking sorry."

            "I think that I believe you," I replied to his groveling. "But the problem isn't really whether or not you're sorry, or if you regret it. What I really want to know is if you'll learn from it." I'd heard enough horror stories about toxic relationships to be super cautious in my own to make sure that I never got trapped into one. I believed in second chances, but also knew that they made it all the easier for a guy to keep coming back for a third, and a fourth, and a fifth...

            "You helped me realized that my anger was just covering up what I really felt. I already spoke to Andy about it, and apologized to him as well..." He cleared his throat. "All of this, has really made me think...And, and, when you were ignoring me, it was terrible. Like, I couldn't even enjoy anything thinking that things might be over between us. You're the light of my life, Liv. I don't want to lose you."

            And the funny thing was, as much as I'd been questioning his actions and his motives in the past few days, I believed every word that he said, and I knew that I felt the same towards him. He kept speaking, but, just like a moment in a movie, I shut him up by kissing him. It felt so good to have our lips meet again – Like maybe everything was worth it just to experience this feeling. Our tongues explored each other's mouths like they belonged there, and I felt his hand on my breast...I slapped it away, breaking apart from him.

            "Not so fast, buddy. That was just to let you know that I forgive you. But I still want to talk about some things." If he was disappointed, he masked it well.

            "Can we at least go inside first? It's getting a little chilly out here." For the first time, I noted that he was only wearing a small black tank top. His rose tattoo peeked over the top of it – I loved the colors of his new one. I loved his laugh, and his smile, and the fact that he came all of this way to make things up to me.

            Suddenly, I knew, without a doubt: I was totally, truly, deeply in love with Michael Cobban, and the only reason that I'd gotten so upset with him was because of that fact. It hurt to feel like he was far away from me, in a place where I couldn't reach him. But, for now, as we settled down on the couch and he explained more of how he felt to me, I finally felt close to him again, in more ways than one.

            If love was a flame, then I was jumping back into the fire, even though I had just been burnt. There was always a risk that you were taking, putting your heart out there – I could only hope that it would end up paying off.