Can You Keep A Secret?

Chapter Twenty

-Liv's POV-

Going back to the flat felt more like going home than returning back to my actual home would've. There was a certain level of comfort in seeing everything exactly as I'd left it – Stuff scattered everywhere, Brooklyn's bed not even made. I almost tripped over their gym bags crowded near the doorway when I first walked in.

Throughout it all, life went on, and I was grateful to still be a part of it – More importantly, to be a part of this. To be with these five boys – All five of them. Here, together again, at long last. It was weird to think that it had hardly been 48 hours since things had started to go south.

I'd spent my time in A&E waiting room curled up against Mikey on one of those hard plastic chairs. They'd done a quick check of my vitals to make sure I was fine while loading Rye into the ambulance, but they had let me go rather easily. There were more important things to be attended to.

Mikey had tangled one hand in my hair and kept the other one on the small of my back. Despite it all, I was grateful that it had been Rye that I was with, even if I had started out angry with him. I knew that Mikey wished it had been him, I could tell, and I knew that any one of them would've leapt to my rescue – But Rye had done this incredible thing of keeping absolute calm through it all. Even when he was shot, he didn't cry or scream or even say "Ow." He made me feel as if he was okay, so I was okay, and there wasn't anything to be worried about. Yeah, it may not have stopped me from worrying, but I had a feeling it would've been a whole lot worse if I'd been with somebody who had been freaking out.

Strong emotions can be contagious, and I just couldn't imagine any of the other boys being able to deal with it so well. Even worse was the very distinct possibility of me having to go through it all alone. If I hadn't found Rye, I could've gotten hurt in the frantic mob of people. Even in the very unlikely instance that I would've somehow made my way to the same hiding spot, I could've been the one with a bullet in my shoulder, or something even worse.

It scared me to think that life could change so instantly and dramatically in a split second. I watched people come and go, some crying, others leaning onto other people for support, some sitting alone. Every single one of those people had something big happen to them that they weren't prepared for, and this happened to, what, thousands? Millions? Of people every day and night.

It was a miracle that anyone could be happy or find the motivation to get out of bed every morning with all the tragedy that went on in the world. But, I realized how lucky I was. I was a bit shook up, but otherwise fine. My loved ones were all by my side. I didn't have to go through any of this alone. I'd been trying to come to terms with the fact that I'd have to be leaving them all again soon when Blair asked to speak with me.

The last time that had happened, it had ended with him telling me that I had to go, so I expected the worst. Mikey kissed me before I got up, and I was right back to square one with the whole "acceptance" thing.

I was preparing for him to break some truly horrible news to me, like that Rye had suddenly taken a turn for the worst, so I was not only surprised, but relieved when the news turned out to be good.

"Rye really wants you to stick around, and I spoke to Andy about it-" He caught himself before continuing on.

"Wait. Why did you speak to Andy about it?" Everything that had been going on had forced me to push what had happened to Andy and what I read in the texts to the side, but I was still suspicious. I knew that Andy, Rye, and Blair knew something, something big, and that they were hiding it from me. As for the other boys, I wasn't sure what they knew – If Mikey was hiding it as well, I would personally murder him.

"Um, just because you're best friend and all. And, um, he'd want you to stay as well." The excuse was a lame one and had clearly been made up on the spot, but it wasn't the time to push for more information about it.

"Well, I never wanted to leave in the first place, so I'm more than happy to stay."

"Yeah...I know. I'm sorry for everything that you've been through in the past few days."

"It's alright. What should we tell the boys?" He had to take a moment to think of an acceptable excuse.

"Maybe that your family doesn't feel safe with you taking the train again? And how it's clear to both you and them how much you and the boys need each other right now. Speaking of which, you should probably let them know what happened." He was right – Rye still had my phone, so I used a payphone instead.

The phone call was a difficult one – If my parents hadn't needed me to come home before, they certainly did now. I missed them as well, but I argued that it wasn't safe for me to try the train again so soon. They offered to drive all the way from Liverpool to come pick me up. I switched gears, telling them that it would cost too much, considering that I didn't even want to leave, and that the boys really did need me.

"Rye says that he wants me here, and Andy's not feeling too well, so I know he needs me, too. And, I don't really want to separate from Mikey again..." They made me promise that I was sure that I was putting myself first, and not the boys.

By the time I hung up, I had won, but at a cost – I could feel that they were angry with me for refusing to go home, and it wasn't as if I really didn't want to...I was just needed here more right now. If only I could be in two places at once...but now, it was time to finally take a break from all of the emotions and heartbreak.

I was exhausted, and after taking a nice, long shower, I was ready to crash into bed – Everyone but Rye was asleep already. We'd gotten back around 2am. Rye was still in the kitchen, eating – The first thing he'd said when he walked in was that he was starving.

I checked in one him once more just to make double-sure that he was holding up alright, but he called out to me before I could get to bed – "Wait. Liv. Could we talk?"

I could practically feel the comfort of the bed already, but I walked over to him anyways. His hair was disshelved, and the black bags under his eyes let me know that he was just as tired as I was. As far as I knew, he hadn't reached out to anyone to speak about what had happened yet, and if I was the person he felt more comfortable opening up to, then I had to be there for him.

I tried my best to focus on what he was saying, but I kept feeling myself start to drift off until he said, "You know what? I'm sorry. I know you're tired. We can talk in the morning."

"Are you sure?" I yawned, even though I was more than eager to take him up on his offer.

"Yeah."

"I love you," I said, gathering him up in a sloppy, half-asleep hug. "Thank you for what you did today."

"It was nothing...I love you too." I was simply too exhausted to fight him back on that.

I stumbled into the room, heading over to Mikey when I changed my mind and went over to Andy instead. I was afraid of what had really happened to him yesterday – had it really only been that short of a period of time? – But the words "suicide watch" still echoed in my head.

I climbed in beside him, and, as if by nature, he wrapped his arm around me and pulled me close. I fell asleep, feeling as if I was exactly where I needed to be.