Can You Keep A Secret?

Chapter Sixty-Nine

           

-Liv's POV-

            "You okay?" Mikey whispered in my ear. He'd been sitting close to me, checking up on me periodically throughout the entire car ride. I had always replied with "I'm fine," but now, as we got closer and closer to the venue, I could feel my stomach begin to ache.

            "I dunno," I whispered, knowing that it was stupid for me to feel so nervous what it had been my idea for the boys to perform at it. Truthfully, I was afraid of having another panic attack. I wanted desperately to pay my respects to the victims, but I was unsure of how it would feel to be surrounded by so many memories of it.

            Mikey held me close against him. "No matter what happens, I'll be there for you. We all will. And if you ever need a break from it, just say the word, okay?" As anxious as I was, I couldn't help but give a small smile about his loving concern.

            "And what's the word?" I asked, teasing him a little bit.

            "Hmmm..." He thought for a moment. "Frisbee."

            "You weirdo," I laughed, but I was happy to have him. I wouldn't have wanted him any other way. I almost didn't notice as we pulled up into the crowded parking lot – There were already cars all around as far as the eye could see. I regretted mentioning the benefit concert at a, regretted not saying anything in protest as they spent the past few days preparing for it.

            I felt a little nauseous as Blair drove around, looking for a spot, and my mind quickly became filled with fears – All of the people that would be milling about, of the thought that some other psycho would try to take advantage of a gathering like this...Mikey planted a kiss on the top of my head, sensing my discomfort.

            "There's not one person here who wants to do wrong to you, I promise, and I won't be leaving your side." I squeezed my eyes shut. Up until this point, I felt as if I'd done a good job keeping my worries about everything that had happened under control, but now I could feel myself losing a grip on everything.

            "What about when you're onstage?" I asked, hating that I was being so needy.

            "Then I still won't be very far at all, and you'll be with Blair, and you'll still be safe, I promise." He put his hand under my chin, forcing me to look at him. "This won't last forever."

            I shivered, leaning into him again, wishing that the world would go away...But it didn't. It never did. And when Blair finally found an open space, I was forced to get out, clinging onto Mikey with shaky legs.

            I sucked in air, and I could feel the initial wave of a panic attack coming on before we even got inside. Rye joined us, and even though he looked put together on the outside, I could see that his hands were shaking as he grabbed my wrists.

            "We'll get through this together," He said, and I remembered how calm he had been that day, how he had risked his life to protect me. If things were difficult for me, it was certainly no walk in the park for him – And he had confessed to me that he was going to open up about what had happened to him. I knew that he had battled with whether or not to make the reveal, so this day was doubly important for him.        

            "Nothing bad will happen," He said, and I could tell that he was trying to convince himself of that, as well.

            "Nothing bad will happen," I whispered, repeating the phrase back to him.

            "There you go," he said, a smile temporarily filling his face before he gathered me into a quick hug. I held him tightly being cautious to avoid his wounded shoulder, partially hoping that some of his bravery would rub itself off onto me.

            "Okay, everyone, gather 'round," Blair called out, and the six of us bunched up together. "Let's stick together today, and look out for each other. Rye, Liv," He started, looking at each of us in turn. "We're very proud of both of you for coming out here today, and you can ask any one of us if you need anything. Stay strong, guys."

            He then gathered all of us into a massive group hug, and I took the moment to appreciate that all of us were here, together. I would do my best to take as much positivity as I could out of the day...but I knew that it was still going to be a long one as we broke apart and started to head inside. I could only hope that I would somehow make it though in one piece.