Can You Keep A Secret?

Chapter Forty-Three

-Jack's POV-

I took another hit until both the room and my head filled with smoke. There was no way I could deal with this conversation sober. I waited for the buzz to begin before dialing Blair's number – My mouth felt dry as it rang once, twice, three times. If he didn't pick up, I would take that as a sign to change my mind.

But on the fourth ring, he picked up. I had the sensation of my life flashing before my eyes, sort of like what supposedly happened right before somebody died – But it was only my life in the band that I was seeing. I could hear my mum's voice in the back of my head, pushing me forward – Telling me that if the stress was too much, that I had the ability to make the choice to separate myself from it. That I was only seventeen, and I didn't have to stick with this if it was hurting more than helping me.

But then I thought of the boys, and the laughter, and the fans, and the traveling, and the feeling of being onstage – Where everything felt endless, as if we would all live forever. I hung up the call. It was up to me to do what I wanted, but I...didn't...know...what...I...wanted. Other than, like, an entire family-sized bag of Doritos.

My phone buzzed with an incoming text from Brooklyn – "The weirdest thing just happened to me". I turned the screen back off, finding myself unable to care. I took another, longer hit this time, craving that high that the drug gave me.

Road Trip didn't even exist in la-la land – Nobody did. Nobody but me, and I was fine with that. I stared at my phone, almost as if willing it to make the decision for me – But it stayed quiet, mute, like the mindless piece of technology that it was.

I finally became unable to bear the restlessness of indecision – I snatched my phone up, ringing Blair once again. This time, he picked up after only two rings.

"Ey, Jacky boy, what's up?" He asked. I wasted no time in replying, spitting the answer out as if had been poison inside of me.

"Actually, I have some bad news."

"And what's that?" He asked, voice already in the process of being drained of joy. That made my next words so much harder to say.

"I'm really sorry, but I can't do it. I'm leaving Road Trip."