Can You Keep A Secret?

Chapter Twenty-Four

-Andy's POV-

I found Liv sitting on the hill, silently staring down at the view below, while the wind gently brushed a few stray strands of her hair. I couldn't help but note just how beautiful she looked in the fading light, but almost as soon as the thought arose, I pushed it back down again. If I didn't think it, then maybe I wouldn't feel it.

I was thankful for yesterday – I had told her as much of the truth as I could, and we'd sat, speaking, until the sky opened up on us, like somebody pouring a bucket of water over your head. We'd dashed through the pouring rain to the car, and by the time we got there, we were drenched, but happy.

It felt good to have my best friend back again. Sometimes silence spoke louder than words, and in the days leading up to what I now referred to as "The Accident" to myself, it was deafening, and it had changed everything. And, even more so, it felt good to be truthful, even when the truth was scary. Lying was exhausting, and too much bared on a non-truth that could slip out at any time.

At least now I didn't have to worry about her finding out – It was out there, and I liked to think that we were all the closer for it. That didn't mean that I was ready to tell her the truth as to why I had wanted her to leave yet – It was always there, as steady as my heart beating, as constant as inhaling and exhaling. But how could I tell her the truth when it scared me, when I was hardly able to admit it to myself?

The pain that it brought with it was revived every time I saw her, multiplied every time that I saw her with Mikey – But it was wrong to be in love with her when she was in love with one of my best friends, so I had to keep swallowing it down, and act as if I convinced the boys to cover Treat You Better three times just because it was a good song.

I sat down next to her, knowing that I could use the moment to my advantage – After all, she'd just had an argument with Mikey. But more than anything, I longed for her to be happy, and if she couldn't find that within me, then I would just have to suck it up and deal with it.

Sitting beside her felt like I was stuck between peaceful serenity and being poised on the edge of that diving board again. Every day, I had to consciously make the decision to keep the peace, keep my feelings inside.

Eventually, Liv broke the silence herself – "I can't not go to uni. I've worked my whole life for this, and I just...It scares me that I can't pay for it. And as horrible as it may sound, I don't even want to look at the pros of not going, because that's basically like admitting that there's a chance of that happening. I want this, and I thought that Mikey understood...I always thought that he would support me in whatever I wanted."

As much as it pained me to not support my own game, Mikey was still my friend.

"I think...I think it's just something that he said in the heat of the moment. He cares about you, I know that, you can see it in everything that he does. I don't think he was trying to hold you back, he just doesn't want to lose you."

"What about when yous go on tour for ages? What then? How is uni any different? It's not like I'd be cutting off myself from him completely. And I can take care of myself. I'm not an idiot."

"Maybe, once you've both calmed down, you can have a more serious talk about it. It's just something that he brought up once. It's not like he's been persistent or anything. I guess it can be hard when you both love each other so much, but it's all out of love, even if you can't see it in the moment. You can work it out, I know." It was confusing even to myself, just how hard I was pushing for them to make up.

Maybe it was just that I couldn't take any more heartbreak anymore – My own, I was used to. I knew how to approach it, how to handle it. But watching the people that I loved break was too much, like trying to put together a broken vase with no tape or glue. She breathed hard, leaning into me.

"I guess you're right. Sometimes, it can all just hurt so much." Ohh, how I knew that.

"If it's meant to be, it will be." And maybe I was saying that to convince myself, too.