Can You Keep A Secret?

Chapter Ninety-Seven

-Andy's POV-

"Rye," I said into the darkness, when I was sure that the others had already long-since knocked out. "I know you haven't been sleeping."

"That's not true," He said in response from the other side of the room.

"Five minutes whilst we're watching the telly doesn't count. Just come lay with me, at the least." He grumbled about it, but, in a few seconds, I heard the bed creak as he climbed it. I smiled as I felt him settle in beside me. I wrapped an arm around him, and, within a few moments, his breathing evened out and slowed down.

I thought about everything that he'd gone through in the past month – It was a wonder how he was still here with us, protecting us so diligently. He'd been the cutest with helping Brooklyn out with his illness – Always double checking that he was alright, making sure that he got his rest, even though he was skipping out on his own sleep, and letting him cuddle with him when he was feeling needy. I'd noticed him checking up on Liv, as well – He called at least once a day for updates on her health and general wellbeing. In fact, the two of them chatted like old girlfriends – He'd hole up in the bathroom so that we wouldn't listen in.

As for me? I'd texted her a couple of times, but otherwise left her alone. I wanted her to be the one to decide whether or not to speak to me. I didn't want to force her into anything, or make her uncomfortable. I'd crossed enough lines with the kiss.

Her absence in the flat was palpable, but maybe necessary. When I thought about missing her, and I thought of her laugh and her smile and of holding her hand while she leaned against me, but, for the most part, it hadn't been like that, not really – It was carefully treading around her and Mikey, insecure on what to do and say and how to act. It was the constant self-reminder that I wasn't good enough, and the nagging feeling that I didn't belong here, and of having to watch the two of them together. Now that I could finally breathe again, the clouds were beginning to clear up – Not literally, of course, but at least metaphorically. I regained that ability to relax, to let go and laugh. I could lay her with Rye without wishing that it was Liv in his place.

I looked down at him while he slept, thinking about how quickly he had passed out. He wore himself out, using himself up on us without thinking for a second about his own needs I vowed to look after him, make sure that he took care of himself, as well. His body was warm against me, and a stray curl rested on the side of his neck. He was beautiful, in every definition of the word – Sometimes I wished that I was gay so I could date him and avoid all of the trouble with Liv entirely.

Unfortunately, that wasn't how it worked – the heart wants what it wants. And, more than anything, I wanted things to be okay with Liv again. Things with Mikey weren't perfect, but at least we were speaking again – The hospital visit had worked to break down some of the walls that had been stacked between us. I had never felt quite so far from Liv, though – Even when I had first moved to the flat and away from her, it had never been quite like this. We would always FaceTime, or stay up late into the night texting. She would send me links to videos that she knew I'd find funny, and I would search for the world "live" anywhere, and then take a picture, crop the e out, and send it to her.

Now it was just silence – No inside jokes. No hours long phone calls. Just silence. This was living without Liv, and it sucked. I'd take a lifetime of her only viewing me as a friend, if it meant that I got to spend a lifetime – She could drag me through hell if it meant that I got to her hand. Unfortunatley, the choice was no longer mine to make.

I cuddled up into Rye, tucking my nose into the crook of his neck, and tried to sleep. Maybe I would meet her in my dreams.