Random Fandom Rants

1 Het Anko 7-5

*SPOILER* TMI CoG

First problem: The name itself
So, well done Hidekaz Himaruya (the artist of Hetalia). You've totally fucked up our Japanese vocabulary. I mean, why? Ani is brother in Japanese! That would have fit! Not Anko. Why not bror or brodir which is Norwegian/Danish and Icelandic for brother.
Oh, no. That would have been too obvious.
But do you know what Anko means?!
Bean Paste!
Bean Paste!
They are calling themselves the Bean Paste family!
I don't know about you, but that is not a good name for a family! (Unless they're chefs or something.)
Den: It's RED bean paste. RED bean.
Oh, sorry. RED bean paste. Because, you know, that makes it so much better!
I don't want to be known as the red bean paste family when we go to AVCon!
What the FUCK was going through your mind when you coined that, Himaruya?! (I know I said that any comments that swore at someone would be deleted, but I'm the author, I can do what I want. Because, well, it's my book.)
So the whole family has been based on a fucking sauce? How does that even make sense!?!?!

Second problem: The ships
Ok, so the Nordics in Hetalia are 3 brothers and 2 others. (TBH, I'm not entirely sure how Sweden and Finland are related to Anko. [Ice: they're not related. They're just neighbours. Like Honey and Mori in OHSHC.])
Now, I personally don't like shipping family together (As in, shipping sisterxsister or fatherxson.) That's why USUK, DenNor, BelRus, etc kinda freak me out. The sole execption is Clary and Jace from TMI #ClaceForLife but, as you later find out, they're not actually related, so it doesn't really count. I don't know about you, but to me shipping family is just weird.
So, no, I do not ship DenNor or NorIce (I was going to write nor NorIce, but, too many Nors :D) or DenIce (If that's a thing. I personally haven't come across it... yet.).
So, you know the three are brothers. Ice is the youngest, so of course the other two are going to look after him, but...

*WARNING* What is about to be read cannot be unread. If incest, gay couples, huge age gaps or pedophilia make you uncomfortable I suggest skipping the rest of the chapter. It's only a suggestion though. You can skip to the side note down the bottom. No one would blame you.

Anyway, so the main idea for Anko (in many fanfics) is the ship DenNor. Denmark and Norway. With Iceland as their kid.
No! Just no!
They are brothers, not lovers! They don't act like something other than siblings! (Except enemies sometimes, but then, that's what any siblings do. Besides, have you seen what Norway has to put up with?
Den: Hey! Uncool!
Ice: *glares at Den* One word-photobombs.
Nor: Shut up and play with your legos, Denmark!)
Same as NorIce!
(When I first saw that, I thought they were talking about a rice shortage in China or something... But no, it's NorxIce. *shudder*)
Why? Why would you ship that?!
As well as DenIce!
Those two are creepy as fuck, because in most of the pictures of Anko, Iceland is, like, 5! Why would you want that if Denmark or Norway is your favourite character?! That would make them pedos!
Just... shipping any of those 3 with each other is just wrong.
Don't do it!

(SERIOUS Side note: Did you know child molesters have the highest non-accidental injury rates in prisons [followed by necrophiliacs]? It's because they get beaten up by the other prisoners. You know you've done something seriously wrong when mass murderers say you're evil.)