depressing thoughts

g

5/13/17

I'm so tired again. I just came back from a field trip but I feel so tired. The bus ride wasn't good. It let me stay within my own thoughts. It was horrible. My thoughts were getting to me. Screaming at me.
How it would be so tempting to fall from that passing water tower.
How that black car could run me over.
How the bus could just kill me instantly.
How drowning would be good.
I don't like my thoughts
-entry time: 5:57pm

Update

  I want to die. I just seriously want to die. But I'm too much of a coward to swallow more pills. I swallowed one, I reached for another but I couldn't do it. I'm so tired of everything. I want to rest. I want to be okay and free. I just don't want to be me.
I'm so tired.
I don't even think I had enough energy to swallow more pills. They look so beautiful. A beautiful blue clear pill. I needed 8 to over dose. I only got to one. I'm such a coward. I got to that situation because my knee began to ache again. It hurt so I wanted to pop a pill to stop the pain but then it wasn't really for that. The pain in my knee stopped a while ago but I just wanted some excuse for myself to take some pills. I sat there, alone, in my room starring at the bottle of pills for a good thirty minutes. My face became wet and I realized I started crying. I started crying because I couldn't take the rest. I started crying because I couldnt take it anymore. I started crying because I'm tired. I cried because I started thinking about how the world would be without me. My friends would get over it in a second. My family will force themselves to forget me. My school will end up sending a letter to everyone saying stupid shit about me as if they knew me. No one reads those letters anyway, and who wants to read about a dead girl who took her life when she had the 'perfect' life. Who wants to read that fucking letter when they don't know me?
I cried because I'm reaching my limits.
I'm so done with everything.
I'm have money to get my canvas.
I'm going to paint my yellow flower soon.
im tired
-entry time: 6:58pm