depressing thoughts

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5/15/17

   I'm gonna kill myself if my English grade does down to a B+. I have kept up my 4.0 for two years and I'm not loosing it this month. I need to ask my teacher what tf is up with the grade because I had a 96% in that class and no assignments have been added on PowerSchool so why tf did my grade go down 5% out of nowhere?
strange.
either way it's hard to tell if I'm joking about killing my self since I am not well.  Tomorrow I'm going to the store with my friend. Tomorrow I'm going to buy my canvas for sure. Tomorrow I'll make sure I purchase it.
I'm so tired.
Classes are giving me so much assignments during testing.
I'm so tired.
my ankles cuts had stung in the shower on Sunday. I had forgotten I cut myself there.
I'm so pathetic.
I'm so tired.
My friends don't even want me.
That bitch 'friend' doesn't want me.
I don't want me.
I just want to rest.
i feel like if I expressed what I felt right now I would be taken to the hospital and be called crazy. My mother has noticed how much I've been sleeping. Taking 'naps' that last longer than 4 hrs  after school and then just waking up to walk around the house before going back to bed.
how I'm not eating as much as I want to.
I sometimes wish she wouldn't notice me not eating.
how else am I going to become beautiful.
So painful.
If I act how I want to act instead of putting up a facade of me being so
Happy all the time, they would look at me as if I'm crazy. Because that's not the me they know. They dont know how terrible I feel inside.
they don't know how bad I feel.
All they see if what I show,
and all I show is how 'happy' and 'funny' I am.
I'm so tired.
  -entry time: 7:14pm