depressing thoughts

g

3/17/18

For once in my life
I am so happy
I was so happy
Brandon makes me very happy, I love him to death
And he loves me
I am getting rid of people who have hurt me
Life was getting so good
and now I am simply just scared
that this happiness wont last
I feel like it's started to crumble already
my friend, my closest friend is

shutting me out

lashing out on me

having fun with other people and yelling at me

but tells me nothing is wrong

I'm so scared now

That everything is gone

I don't want to lose them
I love her so much
it fucking hurts
it fucking hurts

this happiness

gone

Maybe I'm not meant for happiness

maybe I should have

no

never mind

not that

i think happiness is something I was never supposed to feel

I'm unworthy of it

and whenever I do get this good feeling it always goes away

no matter how good life seems

it sucks

and I'm so scared this is beginning again

that this

this is my downfall

I'm not ready

I wasn't ready last year and I'm not ready this year

please

what have I done

what the fuck have I done to deserve sadness

why

I'm sorry

......

-entry time: 9:14pm