depressing thoughts

l

9/8/18

I just keep thinking
about the bad things
between me and him
how he gets frustrated with me
how he thinks I don't
"try to be happy"
"even attempt to do anything that will lead to success"
and worst of all
he has told me to my face
"It's like you want to be sad"
when I heard that
the first time
it broke my heart
And right now
it still breaks my heart
I feel so horrible for making him frustrated with me
I feel so horrible that I cannot make myself happy
My chest feels so heavy
my heart physically hurts
I called him earlier
two rings
the call ended
he hung up on me
I know he loves me
but sometimes I think
He doesn't when I'm
clingy
and I've come to realize
how truly annoying and clingy I really am
I always text him first
I always spam him first
I always tell him I love him first
I always call him first
I do everything
First
I just want to
stop doing things first
He just does not like attention or clingy
I do
That's on me
That's my fault
for being who I've always been
I just want to hide again
and not talk anymore
Entry time:
     10:56pm