depressing thoughts

y

5/8/18

I'm truly disgusting
I'm hideous
ugly
fat
stupid
shameful
I want to just
not eat
I don't
want to eat anymore
I'm so disgusted with myself each time I eat
I get this unsettling feeling of
Disgust and
shame
I'm ashamed of myself
I would rather
be severely underweight and dying
than to be slightly over weight
and fat
And ugly
and stupid
I could just not eat for a few days
or weeks
with my body I need a few weeks of not eating
To loose weight
I'll just eat lunch
or maybe nothing at all
if I die from that
so be it
at least I'll die beautiful
and thin
I just want to throw up right now
And purge
I just need to
Stop eating
I'm so fat and disgusting
all I do is eat and eat like a fucking pig
all I do is eat
calories upon calories
pounds and pounds just sticking to me
I need to stop
eating
I'm so tired
I'm so tired
I don't know what to do anymore
I don't want to talk to anyone about this
not even him
all I do is get yelled at for thinking like this
and for wanting to be beautiful
Not eating is not a healthy choice
but I don't fucking care I just want to loose weight
I just want to be beautiful
Even if it kills me
that's okay
I'm okay with becoming sick
It doesn't matter to me
all I want is beauty
at any cost
I'm not feeling
okay right now
I'm
disgusted
I've said that so many times already
so many times
and it's true
I'm truly a disgusting human being who is worthless of anything
I don't deserve
life
My life is getting so much better
but my body
Is so
fucking ugly
that it feels like it doesn't matter
I don't matter
I hope
I starve
-entry time: 9:42pm

Update

I'm honestly so fucking tired
I feel so horrible
I deserve this feeling
I deserve everything bad that happens to me.
I'm just left wondering
What's the point of living
what is the point of my existence
why am I here
all I am is a waste of space
Worthless
Annoying
stupid
fat
ugly
All I do is cry everyday about myself
so ashamed
so
horrible
I cant make myself happy
that's so horrible
I cant make myself feel okay at all
I hate myself
so much
for that
and just for who I am in general
I'm so annoying
I'm
too much
I want too much from people
Its so annoying
I bother people with how I am
I just love being so touchy with people it's just how I show love
with hugs and kisses or just being so close to them
it's so
Annoying
and I constantly do it and I just feel horrible for being so annoying
not just with him It's with everyone
even my friends get annoyed with how touchy I am
I am so
horrible