depressing thoughts

m

5/3/18

I think it's happening again
I think
Im going to
Go
Back
to how I was last year
I don't know how I feel right now
I'm scared but at the same time
I feel as if I feel
Numb again
and that's scaring me
I don't want to talk to anyone about this
I don't want to talk anymore
I just want to be quiet again
To keep things to myself
I know how horrible that is for me
but I have to
I don't want to annoy anyone with my own personal issues
I feel so disgusting
I'm genuinely so disgusting
I look disgusting
I want to know why me
there's so many beautiful girls in the world
why choose me
I'm the lowest of the lowest
I'm fat
I'm ugly
I'm stupid
I'm
Worthless
I cant do anything right
I let people down
I only disappoint
I am just so
horrible
I'm a horrible human being
I don't even know if I'm that anymore
a human being
I feel so
hurt right now
I think what happened last week
triggered
this
I feel bad for it
I shouldn't let it easily affect me like this
but it does
why
why does it affect me this badly
I know I get so scared and hurt
If I annoy people
I think it just destroyed me even more that
I annoy him
yeah
that's what truly hurt me. I annoyed him with how I am. I am so stupidly touchy and I love to give hugs and kisses anytime and anyplace. I loved it.
past tense
now I'm scared of doing it
I don't want to annoy him
sometimes I avoid him throughout the day
I just want to give him space
he wants that
yeah I'm pretty sure he would be so much happier without me
no that's a lie he told me before I make him very happy
it's just
I am letting it get to me
one sentence just
it hurts
I want to tell him about this but
I've annoyed him enough already
I get this choking feeling in my throat when I think about it. It's a sickening feeling.

entry time: 12: 21 am