depressing thoughts

p

5/23/18

I cant communicate my feelings
I get so
choked up
and I automatically cry
because of my issues and because
I am so stupid
that I cant even talk
about what made me feel horrible
Sometimes
I feel like I am a burden to him
Like I bother him a lot
I've been feeling like this ever since
that trip
what he said....
it
destroyed my false sense of reality
where I thought
I was
okay
to him
I don't know how to tell him
about
this
without crying
I just get so choked up on words
my throat closes
and I cant breathe
or speak
or make any sounds other than
the sound
of crying
I know when he has to go do something
and he tells me he's gotta go
I just get so sad
I don't want to leave his side
and then I express it
I just feel
annoying
like today he had to go to practice
and I didn't want to let go of him
but he kept telling me he had to go
and his practice didn't start til
another 20 minutes
So I told him
that maybe he just doesn't want to hang out with him
And as I was getting my stuff he told me
that wasn't the case
Maybe he just tells me that
in order to make me feel
better
but deep down
I feel like
It's true
He doesn't want to spend as much with me
As I want to do with him
Because I'm
annoying
Each day
it only gets worse
this feeling
that maybe he finds me annoying
keeps getting stronger and stronger
and right now
I'm afraid to go up to him
I don't want to waste his time
I'm scared to talk to him about this
I'm scared I'll be yelled at
or ill make him cry/feel bad

entry time: 10:16pm