I'm Not Perfect (Michael Clifford)

Chapter 44

Chapter 44

“Here you go” James smiles, handing me an envelope. “That’s you paycheck from the last week and a half, you get paid every Friday.”

“Thanks, James” I say, shoving the envelope in my pocket.

“No problem” he says, returning to the small, messy counter. “You can go if you want, I’ll close up.”

“Alright, see you tomorrow” I wave, opening the door, causing the little bell on top to ring.

I go out onto the street, and the weather is representing my emotions almost exactly. It has still been overcast, and drizzling, for the past week. It’s like the sky knows what I am feeling, and is mimicking my emotions.

I quickly go to the bank and cash my paycheck, putting some of it in the savings but taking the rest with me for other purposes.

I take the familiar path, down the many streets, past all the offices, cafes, and beautiful houses. Then I see the one I want to go to. Before going to the door, I pull out one-hundred and fifteen dollars, folding it neatly in my shaky hands. Then I take of the sweatshirt that I was wearing, and fold that too.

When I reach the door, my knock is quite quiet considering the nerves churning in my stomach. But someone heard it, considering I can now hear the lock being opened.

Oh dear. What have I just done? I have no idea what to say, this was the stupidest idea ever to come here. And now there is no turning back considering the door is opening.

“Guys, the pizza’s he-“ Michael’s voice yells, but cuts off suddenly as he looks me over.

“Here’s your money” I state plainly, shoving my hand towards him.

“What’s it for?” he asks, pain present in his voice.

“The Emergency Room visit” I explain pushing the money closer towards him.

“I’m not going to take that” he says, crossing his arms.

“Yes, you are. I promised to pay you back, and you promised to take the money, so here I am” I spit, shoving the money into his chest.

“How did you get all this anyway?” he asks, fanning the paper bills open.

“I have a job now” I explain, rolling my eyes.

As he is looking over the money, I finally get a good look at his appearance. He is wearing all black and his hair is expertly styled. They must have a gig tonight, because I can hear sounds of tuning guitars, and lots of crashing coming from the open door. He looks fine, when I am over here suffering a little bit because, not only have I kind of lost my boyfriend, but I’ve lost my 3 best friends along with it.

“Here’s you hoodie too” I say, holding it out to him, tears trying to break free, but I suck it up. Don’t make a scene.

He takes the hoodie from my hands, and lets it hang by his side. I see pain flash through his eyes, as he looks over it.

“This is from the first night we met” he mumbles with extreme sadness, now this isn’t helping me one bit.

Suddenly I see Luke walk behind the door, he stops when he catches a glance at me.

“Charl-“ he begins to exclaim, but is cut off when Michael reaches back and pulls the door shut in his face. He continues to hold it, I can tell Luke is pulling on the other side, but Michael obviously doesn’t want him to come out. And he is going to get his way here.

“Are you and Calum mad at each other?” I blurt out, immediately feeling light headed, that was not the way I had planned for that to come out.

“No” Michael replies, staring into my eyes, they look extremely dark compared to usual.

“Okay, good” I breath, “Well, I gotta go”

I turn on my heels, walking down the front sidewalk, in the direction of my dorm. I feel a tear run down my cheek, I think I just officially broke up with my boyfriend. As if on cue, a rain drop hits me on the forehead, then a few more, and suddenly it’s pouring, and I haven’t even made it off their lawn. I feel a hand grab my wrist, causing me to turn around.

“Let me drive you” Michael sighs, as I follow him to his car.

When we get inside, the scent is familiar, it smells like him. There are CDs scattered all over the floor, and when he turns the car on, music blasts through the speakers, making both of us jump. His hand quickly flies to the console, turning of the loud music.  

I sure am going to miss all of this, the movie nights, the cuddling, the food. I will miss our little “fights”, listening to him play. I will miss his hand in mine, his voice, his smell. I will miss him.

“Sorry” he mumbles pulling out of the street.

I watch the raindrops streak the window, making a noise with each one. I am almost mesmerized by each passing droplet, but Michael’s voice breaks me out of my trance.

“Why are you giving me all of this stuff back?” he asks with pain, and I look over at the hoodie resting on his lap, and the pain hits me again.

I remember that night he gave it to me like it was yesterday. I thought he was the bad-boy type, the kind that picked up girls for a one night stand. But boy, was I wrong. He is nothing like that, he is sweet and caring, he is probably the biggest dork that I know too. He has proven my expectations wrong, on a whole new scale.

“Because, we broke up.” I say, another tear running down my chin. “Didn’t we?”

“I didn’t think so” he sighs, “I was really hoping not, but if that’s what makes you happy, then so be it.”

I sit there in silence, still watching the falling rain.

“That’s all I want, Charlotte, is for you to be happy.” He says with force, “You can see that right? You can see that I’m trying”

“I really am trying” he says, his voice cracking.

“I’m not very good with this relationship stuff, cause all of my other relationships have ended badly on my part, and I am really trying this time” he says shakily.

“I can tell your trying” I reply, looking over at him.

“But why didn’t you try to call me or anything?” I ask with confusion.

“I was too scared to.” He explains, “Scared for many reasons.”

Why would he be scared? When he notices my silence, he continues.

“I was scared that you wouldn’t take me back, I was scared that you wouldn’t even pick up. I was scared to mess things up again, I was scared to lose you”

This is when I couldn’t hold back the tears anymore, they just began flowing down my cheeks.

“Oh God, what did I say?” Michael says, getting worried as he pulls into the parking space. “Why are you crying?”

I had no words to answer, so I just leaned over and kissed him. It was a kind of spur of the moment thing, then I pull back. What am I doing? I came here to break up with him, cause that’s what it seemed like he wanted, but now I am kissing him. I guess I am just drawn to him, this breaking up thing is going to be harder than I thought. I don’t even know what I want anymore.

I quickly pick myself out of the seat, exiting the car.

“Charlotte wait-“ I hear Michael say, but I shut the door and begin the distance to my room.

As I am walking along the grass I feel two arms forcefully wrap around me, causing both of us to fall to the ground. When I open my eyes, Michael’s body is on top of mine, and his eyes are staring back into mine.

“Sorry” he whispers, placing his lips on mine.

When he pulls back, he leans his forehead against mine.

“I think I love you, Charlotte Malcolm”