I'm Not Perfect (Michael Clifford)

Chapter 45

Chapter 45

I haven’t seen Michael in a whole week. After he told me he loved me, he picked himself up from the ground and left as fast as physically possible.

It was probably my fault that he left, too, because I didn’t say anything back. I just looked at him, because I was taken back. No one has ever told me they loved me like that, so, like anyone else, I didn’t know how to react. I was kind of in complete and utter shock that he would admit something like that to me.

I feel horrible for not saying anything back, my mind was just holding my mouth hostage and not letting anything come out. I should have said I love you back, but I just don’t know. This boy makes my mind so clouded, everything he does makes me crazy. The crazy can be good or bad, and I think that’s what love is.

Love is basically confusion. You have your ups and downs in love, some more than others. I think me and Michael have our fair share of issues, but a great amount of good times too. After hours of thinking I have come to the conclusion that I am in love with Michael Clifford.

I can’t seem to keep myself away from him, and he can’t seem to do the same for me. Even when something that seems catastrophic for anyone else happens to us, we always find our way back to each other. It may take some time, but we are always okay in the end. We make each other laugh, blush, smile, and even cry. Sometimes good crying, sometimes bad. But what’s life without a good cry every once and a while?

I know for sure after Michael said that he loved me I cried. I went straight to the showers and cried my heart out. The things this boy can make me feel is insane, most of my other relationships were bland. But this one is exciting and unpredictable. I think that’s my favorite part of it, the strangeness of it.

Michael and I really don’t have that much in common, but somehow we fit together perfectly. It amazes me how happy I can become when he is around, no one else has the ability to make me feel that way. I need Michael, I need him every day. He makes me happy, he makes me laugh. He makes me cry, he makes me scream. He makes me feel.

That is what I need, for the longest time I felt like my life was just going on a cycle. Nothing was happening, I was numb. But Michael came into my life and broke me out of that dreaded cycle. For that I am eternally thankful.

Love is a game. We roll the dice, we take a chance card. We move forward, sometimes back. But in the end, someone wins, and someone loses. I’m starting to get worried that we are both going to lose. To lose everything we have come to know.

So, I need to tell him I love him, but I am extremely scared. I don’t know how to say it, I don’t want to mess it up. I am so afraid that if I say something to him he will run and leave again, and I don’t think I can take that.

The few little words that he said, took a major blow to my mind. They keep haunting me, all I can picture is him telling me he loved me, then leaving in one swift moment. I am going mad, I can feel it in my bones, I am going insane with this.

But then what am I going to do about my mom? If I tell her that I love Michael, she will hate me completely. I haven’t even made any effort to try and talk to her after that day in the hospital, and she hasn’t tried to contact me either. So, when I throw this at her, all hell is going to break loose. And with my mother, that can never amount to anything good.

But why should I care? She hasn’t made one point to even try to get to know Michael. Honestly, that hurts me. That’s probably why I can’t live my life without worrying if it’s acceptable. She has basically brainwashed me into believing that everything I do is wrong, so now I think that. I can’t help myself from it anymore, but Michael is a part of my life. No matter if she likes it or not, I just really wish she could accept it for once.