Colors

~Chapter 44~

Ryan's POV

The question rang in his head. He couldn't even get his own life together and now he was a father. He ruined Halsey's life. He saw how much this hurt her and how unhappy she is with the baby. She stressed abut her career and where this whole thing would take her and it was all his fault. Was there trouble in her life that he wouldn't cause?

The door opened and Z peeked inside. She frowned at him. " How you holding up?" She asked.

He shook his head. " I don't know. I said I was going to call her later. Are we still leaving tonight?"

She shrugged. " Something like this? I don't know if it's something you can run away from. You're a father. You have to take responsibility. Don't be one of the guys who run away when things get serious. Europe is never going away. Your child on the other hand...might. I think you should stay and see this through, but remember, the choice is yours. I just expect you to make the right one."

" I don't want to be here. You know I don't. We're supposed to leave today and I'm suddenly being pulled back in. How is this fair? How did I manage to get pulled into this? I just wanted to get away from everything and I managed to get a permanent reason to stay."

" Tell her then. She doesn't know whether or not to have the baby, right? Lead her in the direction that she really doesn't. I may not agree with all of this, but if you're both really not ready-"

" There's adoption."

" The baby would try to find you both. Do you want to put a child through all that suffering of being made fun of for not having real parents, the struggle of trying to find you and having the possibility of finding you, but won't be able to be with you? Don't do that. Talk to her. If you want to leave really bad, let her know. Don't just leave without saying anything. I'll hold onto the tickets for now."

Halsey's POV

She laid in bed, staring at the ceiling with her hand on her stomach where the baby was. The father wasn't Brendon. She wished he was because she had already caused enough problems in Ryan's life. Brendon was eager to be a father and he would've made a great one. But what she didn't like was that he didn't support her decision with not keeping the baby. She understood why he was hurt, but it was her body.

The doorbell rang. She quickly got up to answer the door and there stood Ryan. 

" Did you think about it?" She asked him quietly.

He nodded. " Me and you...we're both not ready. You know we're both not ready. You constantly told me about how much this would ruin everything - your career, your image, your life in general. You told me how unhappy all of this made you. So tell me, do you really want a kid when your dreams are just now coming true?" He walked inside, closing the door behind him.

She looked away in shame. " I don't know what I want. This is my first child and it really fucks me up thinking about killing them off. I could've given them such a good life, a good family. I don't know if the baby would really make me unhappy or overly happy. And what about you? You don't have second thoughts about keeping your first child?"

" I do, but I think about how this child is going to live with how we're living already. Will they really be happy? I can't even get my own life together, how can I really raise a kid to the best of my ability? I'd be such a terrible dad. We're too young for children."

" We're adults, Ryan!" She yelled.

" Don't argue, I'm just letting you know! I thought you didn't know what to do! I'm helping you decide and you're somehow turning this against me?! God, Halsey, are you even ready to be a mother? This isn't something you can wait out! You have to decide now or it will be too late and you'll have to go through the pregnancy anyway."