ROSE

24. Over

A N T H O N Y
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"Man, I am sure that she was with him. She didn't say no." Cameron said as I took another sip of my beer.

I was the center of today. Every one of the group, Kade, Jace, Cameron, Steph, Jason, Beth, was letting a comment of my case as if I was waiting for an answer or for someone to tell me something to feel better. I came here, searching for peace but I can't find any peace when I know she's seeing someone else.

"Anthony, you shouldn't be drinking, man." Kade said and took the can from my hand. I frowned at him and got up grabbing it back then sat down and took another sip. "You stopped for a long time, why go back to it?"

"Because she left him." Steph said, leaning on her boyfriend's chest that looked at her to not say anything stupid.

"Man, the girl is right. Why do you care? She clearly doesn't." Cameron added. "I showed you the picture of her laughing with the guy together in school, so seeing her dressing up nicely doesn't make any sense to me other than her hanging out with him." Cameron's words were making me angrier but I decided to push it away and not do anything, only until I go to class tomorrow. I will show him how to mess with what's mine. I drank more of my beer.

"Cameron, why don't shut up a little?" Kade yelled and then turned back to continue his video game.

Rose and I were never something even if we both weren't acting like it. We both have feelings for each other but as much as I can see through her, I can't be sure of he feelings sometimes, just like what happened today. Why would she hang out with him? Was it too hard for her to wait for me to come back? Maybe it's not easy for her but why give up so easily?

"Maybe it's not true!" Beth said, she was also one of our group.

I closed my eyes, wanting to sleep. I was waiting for tomorrow to come so I could take out all my anger on this little kid that thinks that it's easy to just come and take my place and hang out with her. She dressed up for him!

I got up and decided to leave.

"Where are you going?" Kade called but I ignored him.

"Anthony, you can't drive this drunk." Cameron tried to stop me but I pushed him aside and walked out. I hurried to my car and didn't waste any time before taking off, away from Kade's house.

I was driving but I didn't know where I was going or where I wanted to go. I was really upset about what happened and only wanted to see her and apologize and hug her and tell her that I won't leave her again even if I know that it will happen, not only once but every week or so. Maybe if she knew my secret she would understand but I don't think she will now.

Also, I'm not ready to tell her such a huge thing about me that nobody else in this entire world knows, except for my mother and my brother. I didn't know if I was even allowed to say anything or if I do, will it change something or not? I also wasn't ready to ask my mother if I'm allowed to say anything because she will ask me who do I want to tell and I can't just tell her that I want to reveal a huge secret that could change our lives to a girl I met only a while ago. She wasn't going to accept it.

Without realizing it and as I was thinking, I found myself parking in front of Rose's building. I stared at the stairs where our argument happened and how she was so angry at me for my absence the past week or so but I didn't mean it. I sighed. I knew that she will understand if I tell her the reason but I can't.

She worried about me. She was angry at me because she thought something bad happened to me, only that thought made me feel so much better. Why is she pushing her feelings and emotions aside if she cares so much about me? Am I that complicated to deal with? I know I'm not easy with all these secrets that I have and with my personality that not everyone likes and how I have a reputation with a lot of girls and am always surrounded by girls who I was with or girls I only hang out with or girls that wants to hook up with me but when I saw her and got close to her, I, for the first time, was willing to meet a girl and actually have something more than just a one nightstand with her. When I met her and knew who she is, I was curious to know more and get more close to her. It was like she became a drug to me that everyday I need my rots of it and little by little, I take more to satisfy me until I got addicted and unable to stop it. She became my drug that I can't stop. I took her a challenge at first but little by little, I found myself changing to please her, giving up my pleasures to please her, stopped hanging out with my friends to have time to hang out with her. For the first time, I felt like I needed to make an effort to impress someone. And as I did all that to her, I didn't expect anything from her part. Her company was enough for me to be happy and enjoy the moment.

I looked up and saw her lights shut down. She must be sleeping in her little bed, hugging her body close to her as her eyes laid on top of each other and her mouth lightly opened. I closed my eyes and imagined her laying in front of me. Just the thought of it, calmed my muscles and relaxed me. She had this effect on me and I didn't understand it. I also didn't know how to stop it and even if I do, I won't stop it. I enjoyed being under her spell. She was a witch that changed me for a better me, for someone that I actually now think that is a good person. Someone that she can like.

But this asshole, though.

The thought that someone can be thinking about her the same way I was right now frustrated me. I felt like she was mine and only mine and I wanted no one else to even lay an eye on her. I was selfish enough to only want her for me, not to control her but to have her to myself. I wanted to be the only one who looks at her and smiles, the only one that gets to spend a good time with her, the only one she gives attention to. I know it was selfish but I am selfish like that.

I shook my head and laid my head on the steering wheel. Am I only thinking like that because I'm drunk? Or do I really think of her as everything I am looking for? I'm not someone who gets attached at all but the thought that she's mad at me and doesn't want to talk to me made me sad. A few weeks ago, I wouldn't care about the way she feels and I would have laughed if someone told me that she was worried about me because I wasn't answering her calls or texts. Or maybe it's just with her that I am like that.

I should stop thinking and just go home. I started to car and drove away. Maybe, just maybe, this was just a faze that will pass and I will go back to being the reckless Anthony but when I only look at her image, smiling with her small eyes half closed and her small dimple showing, I knew that it wasn't just a faze I'm having and that I wasn't going to get bored with her any time soon. I wanted her with me, sooner or later but not only for a few weeks or months or even years, I wanted her by my side forever.

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