Wolves (Camila/You)

Chapter 15

Your pov

Another week has passed by and the nightmares get worse . I recently met up with a doctor and he advised me to see a therapist . I took his advice and did .

I wasn't diagnosed with anything so I was perfectly fine . Which was good , so that means I could still perform and write songs . I wrote seven so far from my experiences this week and the past weeks .

Spring Day (BTS)
GoGo (BTS)
More Than You Know (Axwell Ingrosso)
Let You Down (NF)
Mama (Jonas Blue , William Singe)
Let Her Go (Passenger)
All Falls Down (Alan Walker , Noah Cyrus , Digital Farm Animals)

Not much but I was proud of them . It felt like one of those albums that writer pour their hearts on . And this was mine . I finalised on the name of the album ' Comeback ' .

I smile at the page but I immediately frowned when my phone started buzzing . I had a therapy session in five . I put on my jacket and shoes . "See you later Brigs!" I yell and slip out of the hotel room . The place was only a three minute walk from here so I wasn't worried about being late . I enter the building and give a smile to the lady at the desk .

She returned the smile before continuing to type whatever she was typing on her computer . I walked past the desk and headed straight to the room where my therapist was . I knocked on the door before I head a faint come in . I open the door to see my therapist . "Ms Y/l/n , glad you came." Ms Harley said . "I want to get better right ? And , please , just call me Y/n." I say politely and she smiles .

"You have a good heart Y/n." she compliments .

"Sadly , it only seems like the good people suffer the pain." I say and she smiles sadly . "If only that were no the case." she said .

"Take a seat." she gestures for me to sit down . I take a seat on the couch infront of her and fiddle with my fingers . "Did you get enough sleep last night?" she asks . "I , tried too." I avoid the question . "So five hours?" she says and I nod . "How about you're medication ? Are you taking that?" she asks and I nod . "But , I try avoid it." I say . "You can try do that when you're confident you're getting better." she advices and I nod .

"How about support?" she asks . "I don't want to disturb them." I say , trying to avoid the fact we weren't exactly friends anymore . "Y/n , if they were you're friends , they wouldn't care . They would help you even if you called them at three in the morning." she says . "O-Okay." I say hesitantly . She smiles at me and we continued with the session .

It was an hour and a half long until my therapist ended the session . "You seem to be slowly getting better , keep up the good work." she says .

Yes , she was Korean but she was also really fluent in English which I appreciated . I straightened out my shirt and grabbed jacket of the coat rack . "Bye!" I wave . "Bye , stay safe!" she says and I left . On the way back to my hotel , I thought about what Ms Harley said to me . I really don't want to disturb them . Thats when I remembered that I haven't told anyone that I've been seeing a therapist . Now thats kind of a good thing , hopefully the exposer doesn't know . I cursed at myself for being paranoid . For letting this unknown person get into my head so easily .

I arrived at the hotel room and unlocked the door using my key card . I made myself a cup of coffee before sitting on the couch with Briggan . Hours of watching countless TV shows , and by now I've had three cups of coffee . The nightmares have gotten worse up to the point where I was afraid to close my eyes and fall asleep . I now spent most of my nights trying to piece together who my exposer could be . Trying to put my nightmares to rest . More voice recordings of the girls saying things about me . Camila , Dinah , Lauren and even all three of them together are one of the many examples . My routine nowadays was simple , stay up all night , eat , write songs or work on finding the exposer then it repeats of me staying up all night . I do sleep but when I'm extremely exhausted . But it doesn't help much since it was never really a comfortable rest , more of a suffocating one .

My head was aching so I sat up to take some advil from my little medicine pouch . I swallow the pills and lay my head back a bit , relaxing . I felt my eyes getting heavy but my body refused to give in . After an eternal war in between myself , I couldn't help but fall asleep . 

Here I was again , the same closed in room that has been haunting me for the past week . The same scenario that has happened time and time again but seems to become more scarier the more it happens . But this time it didn't seem that the walls were closing in , they just stayed still . I was slightly relieved but it was still to hard to breath . Now this was the worst . Not the feeling of slowly losing you're breath until you suffocate but the feeling of never being able to breath normally again . I'd rather this be all over then stay in despair forever .

I started to bang on the walls . An effort that never really helps but I do it out of instinct . Suprisingly , the walls were cracking . I banged harder until the whole room collapsed and floated around as if we were in space . I tried to move but I was just floating , the shattered pieces of concrete floating near me . I still couldn't breath . I needed to . I took in a deep breath and felt my brain ache brutally .

I woke up the same I have been for the past few days . In a cold sweat , a sinking feeling and rapid heartbeat . I felt Briggan licking my forearm and I pet my head . "I guess thats all the sleep I'll get today . Lets get to work." . I need help