Sanders Sides- Virgil

Depression

Virgil's POV

I sit in my bed, my headphones plugged in to my phone. The song "I'm Not Okay (I Promise)" by My Chemical Romance. This song describes me in one sentence. I'm never okay. To be honest, I don't think anyone ever really is.

I bite my lip and curl my hands into fists. All the time, I act like I don't care, I try to fit in with the rest of the Sanders Sides- Patten, Logan, Roman- but I just don't. Patten is always happy. I'm never happy.  Logan is smart. I'm one of the most dumbest people ever, probably the stupidest. Roman thinks he's brave, a hero, better than everyone else. I'm not brave, I'm no hero, and I don't think I'm better than everyone else. In fact, I think I suck, that I'm a waste of space. I'm not a good person, I'm ugly, I can't do anything right. So that is why I cover it up with a I-don't-give-a-fuck attitude.

I take off my headphones and pause my music, hearing Thomas calling my name. Guess that means that I have to go help him with his problems once again. Not that I mind. I care about Thomas and try my best to protect him, but it seems like I'm the reason why he hurts so much. I always hurt him so fucking much.

I appear in my corner of the living room, everyone else already here. Oh great. I'll have to be rejected by them and have to listen to their annoying input.

"So what's wrong now?" I ask, scratching the back of my neck. I look over at them and my eyes dart back and forth. They all just stare back. Now that I notice, they all look pretty concerned and sad. I make a confused expression and ask, "What's going on?" In my I'm getting worried and concerned voice.

Thomas begins to speak so my eyes go straight to him. He folds his hands on his lap and asks me, "Have you been feeling alright, Virgil?"

"Yeah, why?" I pretend to be utterly confused but on the inside I'm freaking out. Do they know or at least suspect about my problems? I hope they don't.

Patten speaks so I turn towards him. He starts crying and I frown. I've never ever in a billion years would have imagined him to act like this. "ROMAN SAID THAT HE SAW YOU CUTTING YOURSELF IN THE BATHROOM AND I DONT KNOW WHY YOU WOULD DO THAT WHAT HAVE WE DONE WRONG WHAT HAVE I DONE WRONG AS A FATHER PLEASE DONT BE DEPRESSED ANYMORE PLEASE BE HAPPY AGAIN MY DARK STRANGE SON WHO SHINES BRIGHT LIKE A DIAMOND!"

Tears streak down his face and I freeze. Roman saw me cutting myself? When was that? It must've been last night cause everything was fine yesterday. Or maybe they pretended to be that way and decided to bring it up now. Fuck, I don't know! I feel my anxiety rise up to its peak and my heartbeat speeds up, almost beating out of my chest. This can't be happening, this can't be happening. Maybe I cam say that Roman lied? No, I can't hurt him! He's my friend! I'll just come up with something, I guess.

I look at them all and say, "I don't cut myself. Maybe Roman was dreaming. I'm fine."

Roman says in worry and determination, "I know for a fact that I was not dreaming for I took the pocket knife that you used to cut yourself. I have it right here." I watch as he pulls out my black pocket knife and shows it to everyone. My eyes widen and I feel my anxiety rise even higher. He took it. He took my fucking knife. There's no denying it now cause he has fucking proof.

I roll my eyes and pretend to shrug this off. "I'm fine, guys. There's no need to worry."

Logan sighs and says, "And that is exactly why we need to worry."

I sneer and say, "And why is that?"

Logan sighs once more. "Because you are not opening up to us. Instead, you are tucking your feelings inside of you even more, which will cause you much more pain. Don't you understand that?"

The voices of anger then start to drift off and they all disappear, leaving me alone in a room of complete darkness...

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I wake up from my dream, Motionless In White music blaring in my ears. OH thank fucking God. They could never ever find out. And they never will.