Sanders Sides- Virgil

Singing Sadness

I roll over and stare into Princey's beautiful eyes. They're so bright and brown and shiny and God, I just love them so fucking much. I kiss his small nose and watch as his eyes slightly flutter open. He smiles at me and kisses my nose. He's so fucking adorable.

"Good morning, Virgie~" he says to me with a charming smile on his face.

I rub his right cheek and giggle, looking away from his eyes. "Mornin'."

We both sit up and I rest my back against his chest. He plays with my hair with his right hand and wraps his left arm around my waist. He kisses my neck a few times and his arms wrap around me a little bit tighter.

"Can you sing to me?" Roman whispers in my ear.

I groan. "But it's so eaaaaarrrrrrrrrrlllllllllllyyyyyyyyy!!!!!" I whine.

He pouts. "But I want you tooooooooo!"

Giving up, I sigh. "UGH! Fine!"

He squeals like a five year old. "Yay!"

I roll my eyes. "Any requests?"

He shakes his head and starts kissing my neck. "Sing whatever comes to mind." He keeps on kissing my neck while I start to sing:

"I am an enemy of everything
My life is not for sale
My heart is in this fight forever
What can you take from me?
When there's not a single fucking day
I haven't fought to stay alive?
We're finding hope in the hopeless
I am still their voice that gets stuck in your head
I am me and I have come to fucking scare you to death
Because that's what you deserve you disgusting piece of shit

I know the only words that you have for me
Are give up and get out
You'd like to think that we've been beaten
But we're here to stay
Forever and always

Every single day
Not giving up, living up all my dreams
So go ahead and look like I'm inferior
Condescension, Suffering, Callousness, and Loathing
Are the badges I have earned doe my cause
And I am finding hope within hatred
A reason to persist, to push past everything
We are here
And we have come to scare you to death
Because that's what you deserve
You fucking fake ass hypocrites

I know the only words that you have for me
Are give up and get out
You'd like to think that we've been beaten
But we're here to stay
Forever and always

So loud, we are the ones that you pushed away
For drowning your voice out
You'd like to think
We've been defeated, but we're here to stay
Forever and always

We've been through everything
And we all have our scars
We may be broken but you
Can't kill all of us! Go!

Think before you fucking speak

I am no villain, think before you fucking speak
People fear what they don't understand
And so now beauty has become the fucking beast

I said go fuck yourself!

I know the only words that you have for me
Are give up and get out
You'd like to think
That we've been beaten but we're here to stay
Forever and always

So loud
We are the ones that you pushed away
For drowning your voice out
You'd like to think
We've been defeated, but we're here to stay
Forever and always"

Roman smiles down at me and says, "Every night for you is a Devil's Night."

I roll my eyes at his pun. "Ha ha, very funny."

Roman smiles at me, spins me around so I face him, pushes my back down on the bed, and gets on top of me. He kisses me and we start making out...for about fifteen minutes until we hear a knock on my door.

"Breakfast is ready!" Patton.

Me and Roman moan in disappointment and we both get off of the bed and open my door. Patton stands there, smiling at us, until his eyes trail down to my arms. Shit! I forgot to put on my sweatshirt! Motherfucker!

My eyes grow wide and I run back inside my room and search my messy floor for my hoodie. I lift up stuff, look under it, search through my drawers, AND I STILL CANT FIND ONE!!! I rip off drawers, dump the clothes onto the floor, search through the piles, find nothing, and repeat this process over and over again.

"Virgil."

I ignore the voice and keep on searching.

"Virgil!"

I ignore the voice again and still I can't find my hoodie!

"VIRGIL!" Someone spins me around by my shoulders and shakes me. I look up and Roman with worried eyes. "Calm. Down. Okay? Your sweatshirts are in the dryer. I decided to wash them for you. Okay? That's why you can't find them. You can always wear a sweatshirt of mine or a long sleeved shirt. Okay? Do you want to borrow any of mine?"

I nod and he picks me up bridal style to his room. He closes the door and sets me on his bed, grabs a white sweatshirt, and hands it to me. "Here ya go." I take it and quickly put it on, letting out as a sigh as I feel my anxiety decreases.

He sits besides me and wraps his arm around my shoulder. "You know that it's okay to show your scars, right? No one will judge you."

I stare down at my hands and play with the cuffs of the sweatshirt. "It's not that I'm embarrassed of them or anything. It's just that..." I sigh. "It's just that when I look at them, it reminds me of all the crying and screaming and depressing things that have been repeated over and over again in my mind." Tears come to my eyes and I start to choke on my words. "It's just that *sniffle* I-I don't know how to deal with this spreading depression and anxiety. I'm being trapped by my own demons and I'm drowning in the water while they're swimming. I can't breath but they can. They take over my mind and make me throw up and cut myself and all of these things that hurt me, that tear me apart. Nothing helps control them- not even you. I don't even know if anyone can help me." I let out a loud sob, but quickly regain myself and start speaking again. "Maybe- just maybe- I'll be able to defeat my demons someday, but I highly doubt it because I'm not strong enough. I'm so fucking weak it's not even funny. On the outside, I wear this persona of nothing-affects-me-and-I-don't-care-about-what-you-say-about-me, but it's not true at all. Every word, every hit, every blow- strangles my mind even more. It makes the demons breathe better and the hands of depression wrap tighter around my neck. I fucking hate my mind, I FUCKING HATE IT!" I screech at then. Then I cry into my hands.

Roman rubs my back with his thumb and says, "Everything will be okay. I promise. Everything will be okay."