Sanders Sides- Virgil

I Hate Everyone

I sit in my room alone, waiting for Roman to come back from the bathroom. I never understand why he takes so fucking long. It's not that hard to take a goddamn piss! And since I'm bored, I grab my poem notebook and think back to what happened yesterday. Of course, me and Roman made up and we're all good now, but I still have this feeling in my chest that our relationship is just not going to work out. I don't know why. It's just a stupid feeling.

I start writing a poem in my notebook, reflecting back on the negative emotions of yesterday.

I don't want to die
I want to be extinct
And I don't want to lie
But I don't want to push you to the other side
On the side where you'll fall off the cliff
For I know that you can't fly
Your wings have been lost
At your own selfish cost
Maybe if you didn't beat me down to the ground
Didn't make my happiness be found
Then maybe you'd still be able to thrive
Instead of wishing to not be alive
I don't want to thrive or survive
I don't want to die
I want to be extinct
And you're such a little stink
You rolled yourself around in the shit
Made me not want to exist
Don't you know that I hate conformists?
You used to be my boyfriend
Now the true you has come to an end
I don't even know who you are anymore
You've stripped your true self
Just like a country club whore
I wish you became someone else
The old you, the one who was always true
What have you made me go through?
What have you made me do?
Now I have these scars that cover my wrists
You've made me feel even more pissed
I was already buried in the depression
You just caused me some more aggression
When you were my true salvation
When you stopped all of this anxiousness
But now you are my bullying agitation
And I understand that you represent selfishness
I remember you would tell me that I'm not alright
Beg me not to cut myself at night
Would tell me to just reach out to the light
But you've just made these hands around my neck more tight
I hardly have anymore breath
Maybe I should head into death
It wouldn't hurt a bit if I shot a bullet through my head
Because child, you're making me wanting to be dead
But I don't want to head into the afterlife
For I know that I'll just find more strife
I don't want to die
I don't want to exist
But I've already rolled around in the shit
My soul is tainted by this world
It sends me through many hurls
Depression and anorexia
They all hurt me inside
Anxiety and paranoia
They all make me want to swallow cyanide
You tried to shove conformists down my throat
But I would not swallow
I don't want to feel anymore sorrow
I'm tired of feeling so hollow
Why did you have to change yourself?
Because now I want to be someone else
I wish I never met you in the first place
For you are such a fucking disgrace
I burned my ribs so you never left a trace
And so I couldn't remember your face
So here it is, here is my tiring sigh
I'm ready to leave, I'm ready to not breath
These are the last words I have to say
For I can only take so much dismay
I'm truly sorry that you can't fly
For you're just another contagious fly
Goodbye

I smile down at my work. This is actually pretty good. Not too bad, not too bad. I close my notebook and set my book and pencil on my bed. I sigh. Roman still hasn't come back yet. I'm going to go check on him.

Roman's POV

I walk out of the bathroom and start to head back to Virgil's room, but then a new main trait called Carelessness, AKA Charlie, stops me. All of his clothes are miss matched, and his hair is messy. He looks like my version of a nightmare!

I sigh and ask, "What is it, Charlie?" I try to say happily and put on a prince smile, but instead, my voice and facial expression both shows annoyance.

He smiles at me with those child like eyes and asks, "Are you single?"

My eyes widen and I shake my head. I touch my heart with my hand and say in shock, "Dear Luci- God, no! I'm with Virgil!" His religion is starting to rub off on me. Don't judge.

He frowns and starts crying like a baby. I roll my eyes and start to walk away but he grabs me from behind and spins me around. "Kiss me," he says.

My eyes widen from shock. "What? No!"

He trails his finger down my chest and I try to push away from him but his grip on me is too tight. "Let me go!" I scream at the top of my lungs. But he doesn't. Instead, he smashes our lips together, separates from me, smiles up from above my shoulder and winks, looks back at me and kisses my cheek, and then walks away. What the fuck just happened?

I turn around and I see Virgil standing there at the top of the stairwell. His mouth is haunting open, tears are streaming down his face, he's shaking, and his right hand is holding onto the railing so hard I fear he might break it. As I stare at him without saying a word, he starts to shake more. Then my mouth meets my mind and I say, "It's not what it looked like! He forced me to kiss him! I tried to push him away but he wouldn't listen!" He's got to forgive me, right?

Virgil looks down at the floor and almost says in an inaudible voice, "You're the strongest out of all of us, so you could've pushed him away, but you didn't. So did part of you want to be with him and leave me behind in the dust?" I start to stay something but Virgil interrupts me by laughing, though I can tell that that's his I'm-breaking-down-inside-laugh. "It all makes sense now. First you insult me and treat me like the way you did before. Then you make an excuse to go to the bathroom to go see Carelessness.

I say without thinking, "His name is Charlie." Okay, that was a very stupid move.

He glares at me sadly but continues on. "You insulted me to make it easier on yourself to breakup with me!" He starts laughing but then slowly sinks down to his knees and starts to cry in his hands.

I start to walk towards him to comfort him and to resolve all of this, but he looks up at me and pushes me away. "Don't touch me," he growls. I back away from him and look into his eyes. That when I realize something horrifying.

That light in his eyes are gone.

He's building back up his walls. He's going to be like how he was before me and him started dating. A depressing, panic attack, self-harm, anorexic mess. Then a thought that's even more terrifying enters my mind.

What if he kills himself over this?