Sanders Sides- Virgil

Nightmare

I close my eyes and lay next to Roman, slowly starting to fall asleep. Then I enter into a nightmare...

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I open my eyes to see darkness. That's all I see. A dark, inky black. Where am I? I try to move, but I'm held tightly to something by something. I start to freak out. Where the fuck am I? I try to move again and again but nothing helps. I'm still trapped in this contraption. Then I hear a door creak open and footsteps.

"We should just throw him over the cliff and get it over with." Roman. Of course he would want to get rid of me. He's always hated me. But I'm in love with him...

"Yes, precisely. It would be more efficient to do it now than wait later." Logan. He's never been fond of me either, so no wonder why they want to get rid of me. But what cliff are they talking about? Will it be painful? Will it be long? Will it be quick? More anxious thoughts fill my mind and I feel myself start to shake.

"Guys, maybe we shouldn't do this..." Patton. I hear someone walk over to me and the pull the bag off of me. I look up to see an angry Roman. Oh shit.

"We have to!" Roman screams. "He's hurting Thomas and deserves to be Forgotten! He's not wanted! He's not needed! He's useless! So we must get rid of him, Patton! Understand?!" Then where we are clicks.

We're in the room of Forgotten. They're planning on throwing me over the cliff so none of them will remember me and I would have never existed. I start to cry and shake more. Why would they do this to me? I've never done anything to them. I'm just doing my job. I'm just doing my fucking job.

Patton looks over at me in sympathy and comes over to me and hugs me. He looks up at Logan and Roman in anger and sorrow. "Come on guys, we can't throw him in there. He's vital to Thomas' personality. He keeps Thomas in line and helps him remember things and to check on stuff over and over again so he doesn't screw it up. He helps him not get killed, to pay close attention to the road, to be careful about what he says, about where he goes. Without Virgil, Thomas will become a careless idiot. He'll probably get himself killed by his own act of stupidity. We need Virgil, even if you don't want to admit it. We shouldn't kill him or make him be forgotten and not exist. That's just wrong on so many levels. Thomas is supposed to be a kind person. Do you want to turn him into this?" Patton gestures to me.

Roman and Logan look down in shame. Logan is the first to speak. "My dear Patton, you are correct! Virgil is a vital side to Thomas! He protects him from accidents occurring and keeps him safe and in line. Good timing Patton. Now let us bring him back to bed and apologize." Logan adjusts his glasses and then all three of them start untying me and pulling tape off of my mouth.

Roman picks me up and I see tears streaming his face. I give him a confused look. "Why are you crying?" I ask.

He looks down at me and says in regret, "I'm a prince. And a prince should never let one of his loved ones down. And look at what I have done now." He sighs a sad sigh. "I almost killed you and called you so so so so many horrible things. I didn't mean any of it. I just..." He starts crying but quickly gathers himself before speaking again. "I just had so much built up anger that I couldn't get out, so I took it out on you because it was easy to make you out to be the bad guy. Just, like, look at you. You're an emo nightmare. In a good way, though, I promise." He gives me a small smile, clears his throat, and then continues. "I'm very sorry for all of the things I did and said about you, Virgil. You are one of us and I never want you to forget that." We smile at each other and I say, "I forgive you." Then we all go to my room, and I think that everything will now be good again, but it goes back to the way it always was.

Depressing.

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I wake up from my dream and sit straight up in bed, shaking and crying. I pull on my hair and curl up in a ball. Why did I have to dream of that memory again? I just want to forget what the other sides almost did to me. But they redeemed themselves in the end, right?

No they didn't, and you know that. They started to treat you like shit again, as always. They still do. They hate you. Don't you know that? They'll always hate you no matter what. Especially Roman. He doesn't love you. He never has and never will. Just leave him now before he hurts you once again.

I push my thoughts away and focus on trying to calm myself down. Okay Virgil, you can do this. Just breath in and out, in and out. Yeah, that's it. Just breath calmly and everything will be alright. Everything will be alright. Yeah, of course it will. Everything will be alright. But in that moment, I feel myself start to shake more. I let out a little whimper as I lose even more air.

"What...?" Roman sits up, brushing his fingers through his hair. "Virgil...?" He looks over at me and then he becomes fully awakes and his eyes widen. He rushes over to me and pulls me onto his lap. He runs his fingers through my hair and whispers sweet nothing into my ear. "Shhh shhh. It's okay. Everything is okay. You're safe. You're safe here with me. Just calm down." I start to get my breath back. "Yeah, that's it. Calm down. Just calm down."

I regain myself and smile at Roman. "Thank you," I whisper.

He cups my face in his hands, concern still in his eyes. "Mind telling me what you were panicking about?"

I sigh. "I had a nightmare..."

He frowns. "What happened?" He holds onto me tighter, burying my face in his chest. He runs his fingers through my hair as I speak.

"I had a nightmare- well, a flashback, really- when you and the others tried to...to...get rid of me." I feel a few tears escape my eyes. Don't cry, don't cry. Don't make Roman feel even more bad. Don't cry, don't cry.

Roman pulls me back from him, staring into my eyes. "I love you. We love you. I can't live without you. We can't live without you. I need you. That was the past. 'I'm never going back. The past is in the past.' Elsa. Remember? We would never try to do anything like that to you ever again. You have nothing to worry about. I promise. Okay?"

I nod. "Yeah, I understand."

Roman smiles, satisfied with his answer. "Good. Now, I'm going to go change in my room. Be right back." He leaves, leaving my own haunting thoughts with me.

I unemotionally get up and head into my bathroom. I open up the bottom cabinet and grab one of my blades. I roll up my sleeve and make about six cuts. Then I put the blade back, roll down my sleeve, and sit back down on the bed as if nothing happened.

Roman walks in, a bright smile on his face. I put on my best fake smile and he doesn't notice how I'm wearing my mask. We talk and do happy things all day. We watch Disney, rock out to Nirvana, play games. And throughout all of this...

He doesn't notice that I'm breaking inside.