Sanders Sides- Virgil

Self Harm

I curl up next to Princey in my bed, enjoying his warmth. He decided to sleep here after we watched a few Disney movies. Specifically all the Lion Kings, Frozen, Dumbo (my favorite), and Winnie the Pooh. It's been so peaceful and loving, just being with him. I never knew I could love someone this much. Guess life is full of surprises.

I sit up and rub my eyes, slightly still tired. I get out of bed and head to the bathroom that's in my room. I turn on the sink and splash cold water onto my face. I look up in the mirror and see that my makeup is coming off. I frown to see that my freckles are showing. Goddamnit.

I bend down to get my foundation and eyeshadow so I can reply it but then the evil voices in my head stop me from doing so.

You honestly think that that makeup is going to keep you from looking ugly? No matter what you do, you're still hideous to look at, to be near. Those scars on your body just make you uglier and weaker. So just cut yourself more to completely destroy yourself and make everyone happy since no one cares about you.

"Roman cares about me," I whisper.

No he doesn't. He's just using you. You're just a toy in his sick, twisted game. He hated you before. So why would he love you now?

I start to breathe hard, letting the voices' words affect me. I open up the cabinet and pull out my knife, sinking down to the floor crying. I rip off my hoodie and make slices over the old scars over and over again. I want to die, I want to die, I want to die! I let out a loud sob. I cover my mouth with my hand, not wanting to wake Roman.

"VIRGIL!"

I look up to see Roman standing in the doorway, staring at me in horror. He rushes over to me and takes the knife away, throwing it across the room. Then he picks me up and places my wrist under the still running water. The blood washes away down the drain, staining the white sink red. Great. Now I'll have to clean it later.

Roman wraps my cuts in a bandage and brings me back to bed, having me lay on top of him. I probably won't be able to go anywhere now. Stupid fucking voice.

Roman sits up and wraps my legs around him so I face him. He cups my cheeks in his hands and puts our foreheads together. He whispers to me in concern, "Why did you cut yourself?"

I bite my lip to stop myself from crying and trembling. I take a deep breathe and speak. "The voices in my head...told me that I was ugly and worthless and that no one cares about you and that you don't really love me and that you're just using me." I let out a strangled cry and place my head in the crook of his neck and keep on sobbing.

Princey rubs my back and pulls me closer to him. "Shhhh shhh. It's okay. It's okay. Everything's okay. You are not worthless. You are the most worthy person I know and the most worthiest thing that has ever been in my life, that will ever be in my life. I love you. You know that? I love you with all of my heart and soul and all of my fanciful creativity. And Logan and Thomas and Patten- they all do care about you. We all love you, I promise. You are worthy to us all. All of the mean stuff we've ever said to you- we never meant any of it. All of us appreciate you and love you and like you and we need you. I need you. A life without you...I just can't imagine it. All I know is that it would suck and be depressing and I would probably become suicidal. If I created all of this, this beautiful world around me, the people and object in it- you were the most beautiful creation I made." He kisses the top of my head and whispers, "I love you, Virgil. I love you a lot."

I mumble, "I love you too."

Roman pulls me away from him a little bit so our eyes meet. Shock is written all over his face. "What?" I ask.

"You just said that you love me," he says in shock.

I blush under my foundation, realizing that I just showed him feelings that people who know me aren't used to from coming out of my mouth. I clear my throat and try to speak. "W-well, I was j-just speaking-g the t-truth-" I'm interrupted when he places his lips to mine. My eyes widen in shock but I melt into the kiss.

His lips let go of mine and he smiles at me. I cast my eyes down to the bed, too embarrassed to meet his eyes. I hear him chuckle and he lifts my chin up with his finger to meet his eyes. He has a wide grin plastered on his face. "It's okay to show feelings. You that?" He says as he moves my hair out of my face. I look away, the ghost of a smile appearing on my face. He notices and smiles. "Come on, smile for me...Hot Topic." I cover my face with my arms, feeling my face heat up. Why does he even think that I'm so hot? Probably because we both look the same. Arrogant asshole...who I'm in love with.

I peer up at him and smile a little bit. Roman squeals and moves my arms out of my face and he squeals like a little five year old, "YOUR SMILE IS ADORABLE!!!"

I turn a deep shade of red and whisper, "Nothing about me is adorable."

Roman points his finger at me, telling me that I'm wrong. "That is where you are wrong, Marilyn Monrose." I blush at the nickname. "You are the representation of adorable. The most adorable thing about you is that you cover it up by being an emo nightmare." He leans in and kisses my cheek, my ear, and then my lips. He cups my face in his hands and presses our foreheads together. "I love you, Virgie. Never forget that."