Sanders Sides- Virgil

Cuts

You know what they say, that happiness doesn't last forever. I guess they were right...because I right now I'm staring down at my bleeding wrist. The dark blood drips down onto my floor and stains the carpet. Great. Now I'll have to clean it up later so Roman won't find out about this.

Speaking of him, he left to go help Thomas with scripts for videos. Then the voices in my head got louder and louder and louder because nothing was there to comfort me and I couldn't find my phone to play music. That's when I gave up and gave in and now I'm here. Great. So fucking great.

I put the razor back in the bottom drawer of my nightstand and stand up from my bed. I walk over to my door and open it up a little bit to look out in the hall. No one's there. Good.

Pulling down on my sleeves to cover up the scars, I head downstairs to the kitchen to grab myself a can of Brisk. Yes, I'm thirsty after losing some blood. Deal with it.

I walk in the kitchen to find Logan drinking a cup of coffee at the dinner table and Patton cooking something. He notices me and smiles. "Hey, kiddo! How have you been doing?" He's been A LOT nicer to me since they found out about my cuts and depression. It's kind of annoying but sweet at the same time.

"I'm fine," I say in my annoyed voice.

His facial expression turns from happiness to concern. "Kiddo, what's wrong?"

Shit. Saying 'I'm fine' now doesn't work. Goddammit, Roman!

I sigh and say, "Nothing is. I just came down here to get some Brisk." I walk over to the fridge, open it, and grab myself a can of Brisk. I crack it open after closing the fridge and take a sip. I look back at Patton and now him and Logan are staring at me in concern.

Logan gestures to the chair that's across from him. "Virgil, please sit down."

I slowly walk over to the chair and take a seat, my anxiety rising. I place my Brisk down with a shaky hand and look back at Logan, my silence being his que.

He pushes up his glasses and speaks. "Has there been any event today to make you..." He trails off but I know what he's referring to.

I shake my head. "No, nothing bad has happened today."

Lie.

Shut up!

He narrows his eyes at me. "Are you positive?"

I start to get a little annoyed and say in an irritated voice, "Yes, I'm fine! Okay?" He better not fucking press on.

"I don't believe you." And of course, he does.

I give him a cold stare. "Why not?"

"Because you are building up your walls, which means you are hiding something."

God, why does this guy have to be so smart? "Well, you must be wrong this time, since I'm not hiding anything."

Fucking liar.

Omg I'm going to fucking kill you!

He gestures his hand towards me as if he wants something. "Virgil, show me your arms."

I suddenly freeze and my eyes grow wide. No no no no no no. I don't want him to find out and tell Roman to make him worry even more cause then I'll feel bad and I don't want him to worry! Motherfucker!

I sneer, trying to cover up my rising anxiety. "Why?"

"Did you cut yourself, Virgil?"

Patton sits next to Logan and asks, "Yeah, Virgil. Did you?"

Right before I shake my head, Roman walks in, a bright smile on his face. He claps his hands and announces, "The whole script is all set!" Then he takes a look at all of our facial expressions and concerns takes over. "What's wrong?"

Logan looks over at him and states, "We think there's something wrong with Virgil."

Roman looks over at me with sadness and worry in his eyes. "Virgil, is this true?"

"Is what true?" I say irritability.

Good thing Roman can stay patient and calm. "Is it true that something's wrong?"

I look down at the floor and mumble, "Nothing's wrong."

"Virgie..." Roman lifts my chin up with his finger and turns my head so our eyes meet. "Can you tell me what's wrong?"

Omfg I just want to be left alone! It doesn't matter that I cut myself! I'll be fine, like always. It'll fucking heal! I just want to go upstairs to my room, curl up on my bed underneath the covers, and sleep. But no, this fucking shit has to happen!

"I told you. Nothing's wrong." I get up from the table without my Brisk and head upstairs. I slam my bedroom door and jump down on my bed, curling up in my warm blankets. I sigh. "Finally. Some peace and quiet."

I roll up my sleeve and see that my six cuts aren't bleeding as much as they were before, but now part of my hoodie is soaked in blood. Whatever. As long as the others don't find out, then I'm okay with it.

I hear a knock at my door. I ignore it and hope that they go away. But the knock comes again. I groan and put the blankets over my head, praying that if they open the door, they'll just assume that I'm asleep. Third knock. OMFG! Fuck it, I'm just gonna keep on ignoring them and go to sleep. They'll get the message.

"Okay, I'm coming in." I hear the door creak open and I already know that it's Roman. I hear him close the door and walk over to me. I keep my eyes tightly closed and to make my breathing even so he'll assume that I'm asleep and will leave me alone. I'm not in the mood for socializing right now.

He shakes me a little bit and it takes all the strength I can muster to not blink or move. "Virgil, I know you're awake. You can stop pretending to be asleep now."

I groan and sit up, scratching the back of my neck. "I want to go to sleeeeeeeep..." I whine, hopefully making him to just let me sleep.

He sits next to me and gives me a serious look. "Virgil, listen." He takes my hand in his. "You know that you can tell me anything, right?"

I nod. "Yeah."

"Then please tell me what's bothering you."

I shrug. "Same old, same old."

"What does, 'same old, same old', mean?"

I sigh. "Ya know, the same all depression shit, the voice in my head. All that crap."

He makes a heart on my hand with his thumb over and over again while he speaks. "Did you cut yourself or anything?"

Alarm enters my body and I shake my head quickly. "No, I didn't."

He gives me his famous puppy dog eyes and asks, "You promise?"

I open my mouth to say yes, but nothing comes out. I can't lie to those adorable eyes!

He sighs and says, "Show me the cuts."

I roll up my sleeve and let him hold my wrist. He rubs them with his thumb and frowns. "Why did you do it?"

"The voice told me to while you were gone."

"And you didn't use your music to block it out?"

"Couldn't find my phone."

He needs in understanding. "Then we should get you a CD player and a whole bunch of CDs for your room. Okay?"

I nod. "Okay."

We both stare down at my cuts and just sit there in silence.