Sanders Sides- Virgil

Happiness

I can't believe all of that depressing bullshit was just a fucking dream! I wish I didn't dream of it. It was so painful and I wanted to kill myself so much in my sleep. I'm glad that Roman woke me up though.

Me and Roman have been cuddling on the couch while watching American Horror Story. Fuck, Evan Peters is so hot. I told Princey and he said, "But not as hot as me." I rolled my eyes and called him an arrogant asshole.

Right now, I'm watching episode one of Asylum. Roman had to go to the bathroom. Murder House and Freakshow are my two favorites. Asylum is my least favorite. I don't know why everyone loved it so much. Probably because I'm so fucked up. But whatever.

A new trait walks in. His name is Michael but we all call him Mike. He represents the mean side of Thomas. He has bright red hair with blue tips, black eyeshadow, and always has a nasty grin on his face. Thomas has been acting kind of like a dick lately and none of us know why. I've been meaning to ask him but I keep forgetting. Stupid fucking memory of mine.

Mike looks over at me and smirks. "Are you hungry, Virgil?"

I cringe. I hate it when he says my name.

I nod my head. "Yeah, kind of. Why?"

"Well, I don't think you should eat anything."

I raise my eyebrow at him. "Why not?"

"Because you're too fat to eat anything at all."

I feel that familiar voice get inside my head.

He's right. You are fat. Just push away that hunger and you'll be okay.

Mike smirks. "My job here is done...fatass." Then he sinks down to his room.

I feel tears run down my cheeks. Mike is right. The voice is right. I am fat. I am ugly. I am so...disgusting.

Roman walks in the living room and says cheerfully, "Ready to continue-?" Then his eyes meet mine. He rushes over to me, cradling me in his arms. "Baby, what's wrong?"

I start to cry harder and I don't answer. I push away from him and run to the bathroom and lock the door. I open up the toilet lid and keep puking up food I ate today. Roman's knocks keep pounding on the door, but I just ignore them. He'll try to stop me and I don't want him to. I just want to be left alone and do what I do best.

Hurt myself.

Better myself.

Make myself disappear.

"Virgie...what's wrong? Please come out. I'm worried about you..."

Oh Lucifer, he's now using his puppy dog voice. I can't resist that. So I get up, close the toilet lid, flush the toilet, unlock the door, and open it. I wipe away my tears and say, "I'm fine." I push past him and sit down on the couch, curling up in a ball.

Roman then yells at me, "Why won't you open up to me?! I'm your boyfriend for fuck sake! Just tell me so I can help you!"

I start to rock back and forth. I hate it when people yell at me. It causes me to have panic attacks. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!

"I just...I just..." I take in a deep breath and rekindle my sentence again. "I just need some time to calm down and then I'll tell you. Okay?"

"No! Tell me now!"

"B-b-b-but I-I don't f-feel mentally p-prepared r-r-r-right now..."

"Oh my God! You don't need time! You should be able to tell me! It can't be that hard!" Then he just keeps on yelling at me. All I hear is his pissed off voice ringing through my ears, filling me with fear.

Tears run down my cheeks as I curl up more into a ball. Fuck. I'm shaking. I'm shaking all over. I grip my hair to try to calm myself, but it's no use. I keep on shaking even more and now I can't breath. I keep on curling within myself as Roman yells at me more. I wish this would all just end. This fight. This world. The negativity. The bullies. The nasty world. Me. I wish it would just all end.

"GODDAMMIT I WISH I WAS NEVER WITH YOU!"

I feel my heart shatter at those words. I look up at his eyes to see regret in his eyes. He reaches towards me and says in tears, "Virgil, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it...I love you."

I push him away and run upstairs to my room. I lock the door, curl up in the blankets on my bed, and cry to myself silently, slowly dying inside.

A/N: This is not a dream. I promise.