dizzy - thoughts & stuff

happy new year!

this is so late lmao but happy new year to you all!!

im conflicted bc 2017 was really good for me in some ways, mainly because of the people i met like my idols, atl and aws and geoff of course, but also all these people that im now hella fond of

barakinkyy & bandana-gaskarth , who i feel just have to come in a pair lol they're my online best friends and im so lucky i got to meet them both bc if i hadn't idk what i would've done. they're the ones that made me laugh the hardest this past year and im so thankful for them

ghiblifilms who is always there for me even tho i forget to reply to her like 102% of the time, but she's one of the most amazing, sweet, and supportive people you'll ever talk to

my irl best friends megan, and ashley who i p much only ever complain about but really i love them more than words can describe, and i've shared some of my fave memories of 2017 w them

and then most importantly megaphonerox my fave who i love most of all, we've been through a hell of a lot together and we haven't even known each other a year, which is insane because i feel like i've known him my whole life. i've never clicked with anyone as much as i do with him and he is one of the most special people i've ever had the blessing of meeting and i'm so incredibly thankful for his constant love and support, idk if i'd ever be okay without it or him

i got to see all time low in person and finally give them something, even though it could in no way ever be enough to make up for all they've done for me. that was one of the most special times of my life and i will never ever forget it

i started listening to waterparks and thank god i did, they've helped me get through a lot already and double dare stays my favorite album (i've already listened to it twice this year) and meeting awsten and geoff was one of the best moments of my entire life

i started watching dan and phil and ik its a bit dumb but really they've helped me a lot too. they're p much the only thing that makes me really truly laugh anymore, and i needed that a lot this year

so in that sense 2017 was amazing

but 2017 has also been one of my worst years as far as my mental health and self esteem go. i'm not motivated anymore, i dropped one of my most loved hobbies and the other i do less and less as time goes on. a lot of the time i feel ugly or fat or worthless etc etc. my weight has never been something that has bothered me but i feel myself get heavier every day. school has been absolutely drowning me and so has everything else

and so for those reasons and so many im so glad to leave 2017 the fuck behind. im not going to say that im going to exercise every day or go on a real diet or anything like that bc those things are just unrealistic and won't happen for me right now, but i really hope that this coming year i can change some of those problems and still keep all the amazing friends i made who've helped me deal with them

so i love you and i wish you all a healthy, happy 2018. you deserve it

-
song recommendation: weightless by atl
(skipping the challenge bc this is the only appropriate new year song)