dizzy - thoughts & stuff

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i might take a break from here for awhile idk

i can't keep up with everything and i want to be there for everyone but i can't and even when i try all it does is exhaust me and it never does anything for them anyways

i don't do anything but sleep and eat and it could be worse but i'm not getting anything done anymore even my school work and my grades are starting to slip

i had my dad sign a paper earlier with my chemistry grade on it which is a d and he had to tell me to try harder

which i get is something that probably seems like no big deal but i dont think he's ever had to say that to me especially not about school

and it's one thing for your own brain to tell you that but its another thing to hear it come from somebody else

to know that they're disappointed in you

bc i know i don't try hard enough and i know i'm useless and i know that i should be doing more but i can't help it and i dont know why but i'm sorry

i'm an absolute bitch to everyone lately and no matter how guilty i feel i never apologise i just keep doing it

i'm like one more breakdown away from giving up completely and never doing anything again bc really all i want to do is lay here and not get up for a really long time and not be forced to do all this shit all the time

i just don't want to deal with it anymore