dizzy - thoughts & stuff

just me being negative like always

im so sick of pretty much everything rn, today my cousin wouldn't shut up about how i wasn't useful enough and that i didn't do anything to help out around the house and with the kids or else i'd never make a good mom (i don't wanna be one and it's not like anyone would have kids with my anyways lol) and that i needed to step up and start being more helpful and that i wasn't doing enough blah blah blah

i fucking know thanks for reminding me

later we were talking about this human trafficking organization that just got shut down near us and she was talking about how my parents should just get rid of 'the worst of them' (me and my siblings) and said something like "you need to make yourself more valuable to your parents or else they're gonna sell you to the traffickers" and i was trying to laugh it off but then she turns to my mom and goes "look at her she'd get you the most money" (i was laying out tanning) and continued talking about how i needed to work harder

thanks for saying that i'm the most useful, as a 15 year old girl, because of how i look. i appreciate that a lot

i moved at that point but when they left i went to my dad and was like yo she's saying shit and it's hurting my feelings and he was like nah she's just joking don't worry i wouldn't sell you

1) i know you wouldn't sell me that's not what i was fucking complaining about
2) it doesn't matter that she was "just joking" if it hurt my feelings
3) she shouldn't have been joking about that to begin with????

and then i told him about her saying that i didn't do enough basically and he said that wasn't true and i was like okay but yes it is and you've literally said so but he just continued to brush it off so i left and he was the last person i actually tried to talk to for the rest of the day and he just didn't care lmao

but i mean why would he care idk what i was expecting no one gives a shit i'm irrelevant

on the drive home i asked my siblings to stop making so much noise which sent my sister into a hissy fit, and since she gets treated like a priceless angel who can do no wrong my parents both simultaneously started yelling at me to calm down and shut up and stop snapping "every time someone moved"

like lol ur right sorry its not that my nerves are shot and i'm in an easily set off mood and i can't help it, its just that they're perfect and i'm an insensitive bitch

so today's been great

in summary, i'm useless (very true), unless it's for human trafficking (im not even worth that lmao lets be honest), i don't help out enough with the house or the kids (i don't even have the motivation to take care of myself but ur right thats not whats most important) and i'm a mean bitch that does nothing but hurt peoples feelings (hella true)

so tomorrow i'm gonna come home, clean the house, do laundry & dishes, and go to bed

since that's all anyone thinks i'm good for

(( why am i even alive lol ))