dizzy - thoughts & stuff

rant ig

this is literally just gonna be me complaining and talking negatively, especially about myself, and also saying things that part of me knows arent true but the bigger part of me tries to convince me they are more and more every day (and im not doing it for attention, im doing it bc i dont wanna bottle it up and i don't have anyone to talk to about it) so if you don't wanna hear that or its not good for you to read or you think im doing it for attention then just don't read it please

to start off with we found a litter of baby raccoons yesterday and the mom took all but one of them so my dad volunteered me to take care of it even tho i don't need that shitl. before you come for me yes its cute yes i wanna help it, but ngl its the most annoying little fuck on the whole planet. all it does is fucking screech. all ive heard since ive gotten home, so for four hours, is the most annoying fucking screaming you could possibly imagine. we have to bottle feed it and it takes an hour to get it to eat even the smallest amount
of milk. its claws are so fucking sharp and all it has done is climb all over me (it screams louder if you put it down) so now im covered in scratches. like its cute but i dont need the stress of it when im already stressed enough. plus its a fucking raccoon, not a cat, so thanks dad for assuming i can take care of it and assigning it to me even tho you don't plan on even looking at it or helping in any way. also im fat and literally every single thing i eat adds to it, but that doesn't seem to make me stop eating. i wish i fucking would i really want to, i'd like it if i didn't eat at all, but like i just can't make myself. ill get there ig. im down to like one meal a day, two at most since i never eat breakfast. i also don't eat lunch at school but when i get home i eat too much and its disgusting and i hate myself for it so ive been trying to stop doing that too. then ill be down to just dinner, which i skip some nights, but probably won't if i stop eating after school. and that should be little enough i think. or ill just stop altogether. next lmao, school is fucking stressful, and im stupid, so that doesn't make for a good combo. im probably not even gonna make it to college or to be a vet, lets be honest thats way too fucking hard for me to ever be able to acheive since i lack any and all motivation to even do my homework. and ofc the same old thing i always complain about, none of my friends or anyone love me and im annoying everyone all the time and everyone is sick of me. im useless and completely unhelpful in every way, its amazing anyone even bothers to reply to my messages at this point. im so clingy and attention seeking, all i do is upset people. its disgusting i could literally throw up thinking about how shitty of a friend i am. its no wonder no one wants to talk to me honestly idk why im even at all surprised.

i guess that's it idk there's only so many ways to describe how much you hate yourself am i right lmao

im sorry if this upset anyone i didn't mean for it to, but i just needed to get it out so

gn everyone

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song recommendation: no capes by waterparks