daylight savings gives me time to think
which is the last thing that I want since I don't drink
so I can't numb my feelings to avoid my thoughts
that climb to the back of my head tying my veins in knots
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just thoughts and other things that I feel l...
me: i have a feeling 2018 is going to be better! 2018: so we're gonna start her off w a mental breakdown followed by chest pain for an hour and and a side of self hatred 2018: nice! happy new year!
i went to get a shower earlier and my sister had dumped a bunch of shit in the shower like a bunch of bins and half empty bottles of shit no one's used in like 30 years and apparently also all the fucking laundry that was in the bathroom. i don't want to go into detail bc it's honestly fucking embarassing but like.. why. im so sick of how we live and how they think its ok to live like this
and short of doing everything myself all the time which isn't going to happen, idk how the fuck to fix it
so instead of taking a nice quick relaxing shower i got to bust my ass for 30 minutes cleaning out and scrubbing that shower on my hands and knees, resulting in back and neck pain for the rest of the time i was actually in the shower
that stressed me the fuck out so when i got out of the shower, feeling oddly anxious as hell, and started doing my makeup, i kept fucking up left and right and every time i just got more and more stressed but yk
so now i'm just sitting here chilling, my heart hasn't stopped hurting in like an hour and i still feel tense asf but i have to go to my grandparents now and deal w socializing w them for god knows how long, as well as eating dinner
and although im already fat enough its not like i can just skip eating w all those people there
fun
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day 16 - one of your favorite classical songs - like??? pianos and shit?? there's this one by i think maybe beethoven that legit everyone knows and its super pretty but i have no fucking clue what its called or how to find it so
