The Dark Red Umbrella • Yoonmin

Different : 31

December 7 - Wednesday

8:22pm.

Yoongis pov.

(prepare yourselves)

~

Yoongi was frozen in place, his mind filling up with thoughts. Though they werent sudden and overstimulating like he was used to. They had been creeping into his head for the last seven hours, and seemed to be getting stronger. 

This time was different. He didnt get the sudden impulse to want to write down every thought he had or squeeze his fists until he thought his hands would break.

Everything wasnt loud and overwhelming to him like it normally was until he found a way to cancel it out with music. 

~

Yoongi was never very picky about the music he listened to. Usually he would just play whatever song he had been listening to previously because he didnt have enough time to pick one.

No, its not that he didnt have the time to.

Its that he didnt want to.

He was always afraid to be alone with his thoughts.

Hell, It terrified him more than being alone in general. 

Music seemed to be the thing that was always with him, the only thing that could block them out if He blasted it loud enough.

He never wanted to find the time to pick a specific song because that would give his thoughts the chance to catch up to him.

And didnt want that.

Though it wasnt like that this time.

This time, all yoongi did was stare at the wall, his body not seeming to want to cooperate with him. His limbs were numb like they werent on his body and he was sure he hadnt blinked in well over a minute. 

Which was weird for him. 

Usually his body would be shaking and he would be letting out loud crys, wishing for everything to go away.

To gain control.

He hated not being in control of his own body.

He never really knew the reason why he always felt so much. It was like he could never calm down. Like his emotions were in hyper drive 24/7.

It was like his body bottled up everything and was always slowly pouring out. Things he saw and heard and felt. Sometimes they were things that didnt even have to do with him. But his body picked them up and held onto them.

He had been in such a depressive state for so long that now that he didnt have a reason to be in one, his body made one. He didnt know how to deal with just being normal.

And every few months or so, everything would hit him all at once. The doubts and words would flood his head and eveyrthing he wished, hoped and could have been came back.

Though this time was different. It was only a sick feeling in his stomach equivalent to that of butterflies, refusing to go away.

It had showed up slightly after the blonde had left, his face flustered, red tinting his beautiful cheeks.

From then on, the feeling for stronger, so much to the point where Yoongi could barely think.

Yoongi knew what it was. Though he had never felt it before, or at least in this way, he new exactly what it was.