PERFECT│s.m

SIXTY THREE

"Is Grayson feeling any better?" Freya questions through the phone, picking at her pointer finger with her thumbnail.

"He's better, but still cuddly as ever," Andrea responds, looking down at the countertop of the kitchen island.

"Would going to the park work today?" Freya asks, hoping to not have upset Andrea by asking to hang out. After having Harriet, Andrea grew appalled over time whenever someone asked her to leave her children and tend to their needs instead — or at least that's how she saw it.

"It'd be perfect, actually," Andrea grins, stepping over to the couch where Harriet was fast asleep. "It's a beautiful day out, and Harriet's been asking the past couple days."

"Perfect, meet there in a couple hours?" Freya and Andrea concluded their discussion and meeting point, then ended the call. Grayson was calling for Andrea as soon as she hung up; Isabella crying for her mother. Freya sighed, leaving her work aside and running from the at-home office to Isabella's room.

Andrea set out clothes for the two kids as she impatiently waited for three o'clock to strike. Both children were fast asleep and she couldn't find the TV remote for the life of her.

She sat in silence, on the couch, tapping her fingers along her thigh. She was brainstorming things to do to kill time.

She couldn't FaceTime Simon — he was in a meeting, with Josh — so now her list was shortened.

One of the things on the list, though, intrigued her very much. She stood, rushed into the office, and flung open the laptop. She logged into her old YouTube account and searched for Miniminter — which she found instantly.

She grinned, clicking on the channel. The last upload was from almost four years ago — it was an announcement. It contained a goodbye segment with an explanation, and introduced a new channel toward the end.

"I have a family now, and would love to include them on this journey of mine," he spoke. "So, I've created-" Someone cleared their throat — a female. "We've created a channel that will contain all sorts of things to do with my family." Andrea came into view on the screen, as plump as a grape. Video Andrea seated herself beside Simon, the video cutting off there; with their smiles illuminated on their faces, and a loving stare held between them. That's where they continued the video on the new family channel; explaining everything that needed to be spoken.

But Andrea found interest in a different video, back on the other channel. A video that happened to be the first time she was in a video ever — and it was at the beginning of Simon and Andrea's sprouting friendship.

As Andrea watched the video, she shook her head. She was so blind back in those days — not being able to see the love in Simon's eyes every time he heard and watched her talk or laugh or smile.

Joanna came on the screen, popping up out of nowhere — like usual. She still haunted Andrea to this day, she just never let it show. The insanity that dug into Andrea's brain, was still there — but it was very translucent.

When thinking of Joanna, Andrea would clench her hands around her thighs, creating cuts in her flesh from her sharp fingernails; blood dripping onto the floor during several of these occurrences. Andrea couldn't stop them or help herself — the way Joanna left this world still imprinted in her brain; the image never left or even disappeared for a second. Simon never knew of this.

Andrea slammed the lid of the laptop shut, chewing on her fingernails and she tried to subside the crazed thoughts. It really wasn't her fault — it was Joanna's choice. She would've helped her and talked her out of it if she knew what Joanna was capable of.

Sometimes the fact that Simon never talked about her really pissed Andrea off. Sure, Joanna was always attempting to steal Simon from her and sort of trying to make her life a living hell; but she deserved to be remembered, not to be forgotten and pushed into the wind.

Maybe Andrea would mention her name to Simon tonight. Maybe she'd ask questions she never asked before about them — maybe all of this would cause an outburst of emotions. Maybe she'd lose Simon or herself tonight...

But she didn't care. Not right now. Right now, she was going to ready her kids and herself for the park and head out into the sunshine. She needed to feel the burn of the rays on her skin, the cool breeze washing over her body like a light wave of refreshing sea water. She needed a break from her mind, that trapped itself inside a cage of guilt when alone in her house.

Why did it feel like things were spiraling out of control? Out of reach? She hadn't felt this overwhelming panic in years; why had it come back now?

She clutched her chest as she drove to the park, taking long, deep breaths as she rode the smooth highway with Harriet and Grayson singing with the radio in the back of her car.

The feeling: the rib-bending weight on her chest, the tightening of her throat and lungs as she lost her breath, the cluttered mess in her brain, the shaking of her fingers, the pounding of her heart — she felt as if something horrible was going to happen. But she didn't know what. She didn't know where this fear came from — this impending doom.

She pulled over and called Simon, stepping out of the car. Thankfully he answered.

"Hey, Drea. What's up?" His voice — he was so calm and relaxed. This relaxed Andrea a bit.

"H-how did the meeting go?" she questions, honing in on his breathing that became muffled as it transferred through the phone.

"Really good," he lightly chuckles. "I was thinking about coming home early."

"Oh," Andrea says, a little upset. "I was actually just on my way with the kids to the park to meet Freya."

"Maybe I could grab Josh and take him out for a drink then," Simon teases.

"I could use a drink myself," Andrea softly giggles, pressing a hand to her forehead.

"Mommy!" Harriet shouts, rolling down her window. "Can we go now?"

"I need to talk with daddy right now," Andrea responds. "It's important."

"Are you alright, gorgeous?" Simon questions, worry seeping into his blood. "You sound anxious." That's when it hit Andrea.

"I- Um-" She couldn't find her words, her body panicking heavily while trying to put together a sentence.

"Andrea, breathe," Simon speaks. "Take deep breaths with me, okay?" Andrea nods, even though he couldn't see her. She listened to him, following his deep breaths. She was calm after doing this five times.

"Can you call my doctor and ask for a refill on my anxiety medication?" Andrea finally asks, her heart pounding as she waited for Simon to answer.

"Your anxiety's back?" he questions. He felt horrible — like he was the one to blame, even though he wasn't at all.

"Just- please, okay?" Andrea didn't want to hear him pity her right now. So she hung up and walked back to her car and continued on her way to the park.