It's been three months since Derek left Beacon Hills. He didn't say bye to anyone. He left his pack without an alpha. Then all of a sudden he's back, but he seems out of character. Stiles automatically assumes he's been cursed, that is until he find...
Derek clenched his hands in fists. Stiles' words cut deep.
"Derek, I'm sorry-"
"Don't," Derek said in an almost pleading tone, cutting his brother off.
"You really hurt him by leaving," Lydia spoke up gently.
Derek looked to the strawberry blonde, "I didn't think he'd care."
"Didn't think he'd care? Stiles has been there for you every step of the way, how could you think he wouldn't care?" Malia snapped.
"Malia," Gage said in a warning tone. The last thing he needed was to keep those two from killing each other.
"I just have to say this and I'll let it go," Malia nodded towards Gage before turning back to Derek, "When you left, Stiles was devastated. He visited Peter regularly asking for updates on you, he worried himself sick, literally. He barely slept and he had nightmares about your death for weeks. You may not like it, but you were important to Stiles and you left him. You didn't just leave us without an alpha, you left Stiles. Knowing he'd bare the responsibility, you took off. He was pissed that you left us without an alpha, but more than that, he was crushed that you left him. He blamed himself, then to find out why you left, he blames himself even more. You may have thought Stiles didn't care, but nobody cared more."
Derek felt his chest tighten even more at Malia's words.
"I assumed Scott would fill my alpha roll quickly, I knew Stiles could manage it without me, I just didn't want his spark to..." Derek trailed off.
"Why?" Allison spoke up next, "What's so bad about Stiles being an emissary?"
Derek averted his eyes. He didn't want to say it out loud.
"Stiles isn't just an emissary, he's Derek's true emissary. Meaning, the reason Stiles' spark even started to surface was because it was responding to Derek," Gage answered.
Derek looked up with a frown, "how did you know?"
"Deaton figured it out," Gage answered.
"You felt responsible, so you wanted to use the spell to get rid of his spark," Scott nodded in understanding.
"I don't understand, why not just let him be your emissary? You always said an alpha with an emissary is stronger," Liam asked.
"Being an emissary makes you a target, I didn't want that for Stiles, plus I refuse to let Stiles feel responsible for me. I care too little about my life to let Stiles risk his for mine," Derek answered honestly.
"Why would you say that?" Gage frowned at his brother. It was clear it hurt Gage to hear his brother talk like that.
"Because it's true, Stiles has so much to live for and so many people that would miss him. I don't have anyone," Derek shook his head with a hard frown burried into his features.
"You have us," Isaac piped in quietly.
"Even after leaving?" Derek asked doubtfully.
"It wasn't the smartest idea and it was a shitty thing to do, but you always have Stiles' best intentions at heart," Scott answered.
Derek's frown deepened further, "You're not mad at me?"
"Oh we're still mad, but we get it," Liam corrected him.
"Besides, it's not us you need to worry about forgiving you, Stiles is the one you really care about anyway," Allison smirked.
"You heard him, he has no use for me anymore," Derek huffed, he knew he was showing a more vulnerable side to him, but he was too tired to keep up his emotionless, don't give a shit facade.
"You love him," Lydia said suddenly, smiling widely.
"What?" Derek snapped his head up towards the banshee.
"You're body language has romantic feelings written all over it, and why else would you go to such lengths to keep him from being an emissary. You don't want him as your emissary, but you can't stand the thought of him being anyone else's emissary. You love him," Lydia grinned proudly at her revelation.
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Derek gaped at the redhead. How did she even know how to read his body language?
Lydia, noticing the confused stares, rolled her eyes, "I got bored and enrolled in a couple of online college classes. It was a psychology course," She shrugged.
"I don't have any romantic feelings for Stiles," Derek objected sharply.
"Denial. You're afraid he'll never return your feelings so you try to convince yourself that you don't feel the way you do," Lydia grinned again.
"You're wrong," Derek growled.
"Say what you will, but I passed the class with a hundred, so I'm pretty sure I know what I'm talking about," Lydia crossed her arms over her chest.
"Okay, Derek, why don't we get you settled in to a room upstairs, the rest of you give him some space," Gage interfered before Derek had a complete mental breakdown.
-
Stiles knocked on the door to Derek's old loft.
"Stiles, to what do I owe the pleasure?" Peter smiled as he allowed Stiles in.
"I just had a conversation with Derek for the first time since his disappearance and I wanted to come by his old place. It calms me when I'm upset about him," Stiles answered sheepishly.
"By all means, calm down," Peter gestured to the familiar room.
"No flirty comments or hitting on me?" Stiles raised a suspicious brow at Peter.
"Would it make you feel better if I told you your eyes are stunning no matter what color they are?" Peter smiled from his spot on the couch.
Stiles felt a small smile tug at his lips. Peter was a creepy asshole sometimes but he was charming as well. Stiles would never admit it out loud but he was flattered Peter took notice of him. It helped Stiles' self esteem issues. He never told anyone, but the main reason he visited Peter everyday after Derek left was because Peter made him feel good about himself. He needed that, especially when he was at such a low point.
"And I'm sorry that my nephew is an idiot," Peter added causing Stiles' smile to grow, despite his best efforts.
"Much better," Peter grinned in satisfaction.
Stiles walked towards the large window.
"For what it's worth..."
"Don't excuse his actions," Stiles narrowed his eyes at Peter.
"I'm not, I'm simply pointing out the fact that his heart was in the right place," Peter shrugged innocently.
Stiles scoffed, "Derek doesn't have a heart, and if he did, it wouldn't be in the right place."
Peter chuckled, "he's gonna have a hard time earning your forgiveness."
Stiles turned back to the window without responding. He wanted to hate Derek for the rest of his life, but he knew he couldn't. That didn't mean he had to forgive him for what he did to Stiles and what he was going to do to Stiles.
