Healing Scars

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I'm not okay... Not at all. The truth is, I'm missing something, something that I love the most. The day before I left Peeta in the hospital almost dead... He knew that we did something that we couldn't take back.

I gave birth and Peeta didn't know, and he was finally better but he was hurt, almost literally dead. I had to leave him and our new baby girl in District Thirteen because Plutarch wouldn't let me go back home with Peeta because of the outbreaks of revolts in the Capitol.

I named her Jay, after a MockingJay. Jay Astra Mellark, I wanted her to have Peeta's name. I wrote a letter to Peeta, telling him I am needed for more service with the rebels and would be back in a months time... God I wish that would've been true.

It's been three years sense that quiet night in Peeta's hospital bed as he laid there motionless, our beautiful daughter in my arms. I only got twenty four hours with her before I was back in uniform, dirt on my face, and Gale covering me from bullets whizzing by in a Capitol ghetto.

God I couldn't tell you the pain over the years of knowing that my daughter didn't have a mother... Or so I thought. I got a letter from Peeta, as I was in district four on base with other rebels. He said I didn't need to come back, that he was having help from Sae and for me to not worry and keep everything order.

Every month he would send me pictures of Jay smiling with her little baby dolls. She looks a lot like me actually, her dark curly hair shoulder length, her heart shaped face as fresh as a dew drop, and her eyes are Peeta's eyes, that makes me happy. I got discharged today to go back home to District Twelve, I got so excited I couldn't keep from hiding a grin. It was on Christmas Eve too so I got Jay a few new toys from district four that I think she'll love.

Gale walked over to me and I wrapped my arms around his broad shoulders and scream. "I'm going home to Jay Gale! I'm going home to my baby and Peeta!" Gale grins and hugs me back. "Get the hell back home Catnip and call me so I know how it goes." I nodded and ran quickly to the train station with people watching me as the grin on my face beamed and lite up that little area of District Four.

When I step off the train and into Twelve the chill and blast of harsh snow welcomes me. Even though they are rebuilding everything in twelve it stills feels like home. I'm still in my MockingJay uniform and my boots slush in the snow. I see Peeta's house and I grin walking quicker when I see the Christmas tree. I step on the stoop and I can literally smell Peeta and gingerbread cookies.

I take in a deep breath and roll Peeta's cool pearl around my fingertips in my pocket. Then I knock on the hard wooden door. I hear footsteps coming to the door and the person who opens it isn't Peeta. I look down and see Jay with a Santa hat on and tears roll down her cheeks as she gives me a grin. "Hi mommy!" I kneel down and she toddles into my arms and wrap her arms around my neck, nestling her face into my shoulder and sniffles. "I missed you." I laugh with tears of relief rolling down my cheeks.

"Did Santa being you home?" I kiss her tiny lips and rest my four head against hers. "Yeah he did." "Good because you coming home was exactly what I wanted." I kiss her cheeks and grin. "God you're so beautiful." She smiles. "Thank you mommy." She takes my hand. "I want you to meet my toys and my pet." I nod with a smile. "Okay." She brings me inside and when I walk in Christmas music plays and gingerbread men are on a platter that Peeta must've made. She leads me to her room that Peeta painted a beautiful purple.

I see plenty of stuff animals on her little bed and she brings me over. "This is Floppy, this is Barkley, this is Teddy-" The list goes on and on but I seriously do not mind. Then I grab my satchel and she smiles. "What's in that?" I grin. "A few new friends that you might want to meet." I pull out the five new stuffed animals and she squeals, hugging me.