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"I think we should be together." Said the man who was sitting in front of me as he ate the food I made him earlier. He came by as it was "date night" for us and because he's been out shooting for his new upcoming movie Spider-Man Homecoming 2. I haven't seen him in a while.
I froze and stopped picking at my food. It took me second to gather myself up again and start eating, "I don't know about that Tom."
"Why not?" He asked, looking at me for the hundredth time. All night he has been staring at me.
"I don't think I'm ready. I don't think I'm capable of being in a relationship right now."
"Oh c'mon darling we've been in hiding for months now, how are you still not ready?"
I sighed, "it takes time Tom. I need more time I'm finally getting to place where I can love myself and not bring myself down and I'm doing this for us, for me so then you won't have to deal with my bullshit when I get all sad and shit." When I finished my sentence I threw my fork on my plate and rested my hands on my head. I wanted to be in a relationship with Tom, trust me I do.
But as of right now, I don't think I'm ready for it.
"Hey doll, don't get upset come here." He stood up and made his way towards me, squatting down and pulling me into his arms. I felt my heart ache and tears burn my eyes. These past few days haven't been good.
"I'm so drained Tom, I'm so tired. All I wanna do is scream and cry and punch someone." I sobbed on his shoulder, "I don't know what to do anymore."
"Take a deep breath and take it a few steps at a time darling. You're gonna be fine, you'll pull through you always do."
I pulled myself away from him and wiped my eyes, still feeling my heart ache with a pain that was unbearable. I have never wanted more then to reach in my chest and hold my heart for dear life.
"I love you so much, but I just don't think I'm stable enough for a relationship right now! All day I have been feeling sick because I keep this weird feeling in my stomach. All I wanna do is sleep!"
Tom shrugged his shoulders, "then sleep, go on walks, take a bath, sing a song, punch a punching bag, cook a meal you've never cooked before. Do the things you wanna do to distract yourself, take your time don't rush it. I'm gonna be here for you and I'm not going anywhere. I promise you that."
I smiled at Tom and cupped his face, "maybe when I feel better, maybe we can go public."
