Shawn Mendes Imagines

scars

So uh the new hope club is amazing and their new song "medicine," is an absolute banger. i included it but it has nothing to do with the imagine, i just thought your ears should be blessed. 

the cool crisp morning air bit at my cheeks turning them a rosy pink. i pulled the hood of my gray sweatshirt over my hair that blew into my face. i licked my cracking chapped lips and pulled a pack of menthol cigarettes out of my pocket. i silently cursed at myself when i noticed that it was the last one in the pack.  placed the thin cylinder filled with tobacco between my parted lips. i brought the lighter to my lips and put the flame to the end. i took a drag off the cigarette, the feeling of the nicotine running through my veins made me sigh letting the smoke roll out of my mouth. 

i looked out at the city that was slowly waking up. parts of the sky were still dark, other parts were light pink and yellow. tall skyscrapers lit up with the office lights. car brake lights shined bright red in the bumper to bumper traffic. i took another hit off the cigarette and looked down at the dewy grass i was sitting on. my free hand pulled the dead grass out of the ground. i put out the cigarette and threw it off somewhere in the distance. i wiped my hands on my jeans and moved my knees closer to my chest. 

i wiped a tear that fell down my cheek, i also wiped my nose with the sleeve of my hoodie. 

"i figured you would be here." i snapped my head in the direction that i heard the familiar deep voice. i swallowed hard when his tall figure came closer. the only little bit of light made his face noticeable. i didn't say anything to shawn, i just turned back around. 

"why are you here?" i asked with a raspy voice. i coughed to try to make it seem like my raspy voice wasn't from crying. 

he shrugged and sat down beside me. he pulled something out of his pocket and said, "i thought you might need these." i looked down to see a pack of menthol's in his large hand. i swallowed hard and took them from his hand. the feeling of the contact made me want to fall into his arms. i ignored the feeling and put the cigarettes in my pocket. 

there was a small silence until shawn interrupted, "i'm leaving tomorrow." 

i just nodded as my hands searched for that pack of cigarettes. my jacket sleeves got pushed up as i moved making my wrist visible under the morning sun. 

"y/n," i stopped and looked over at shawn. his face was soft and his eyes were glossy. it was the first time that i could actually get a good look at him. his brown hair that was usually always styled perfectly was now a curly mess. his face was pale, and this cheeks lost their pink tint.  i looked at him confused. 

"what?" i asked turning away to put the cigarette between my lips. 

"let me see." he demanded. i knew exactly what he was talking about, but i refused to show him my wrist. it was none of his business now.  i just ignored him and cupped my hand around the cancer stick and brought the lighter closer. shawn yanked the lighter from out of my hand. 

"what the he-," he cut me off. 

"let me see them." shawn said in an angry tone. i sighed and slowly pushed up my sleeve revealing the bright red diagonal cuts. shawn's gently took my arm in his large hand and inspected the cuts. i watched as he looked at them intently. he ran his finger over them making me wince. his bloodshot brown eyes looked up and met mine. 

"you made a promise y/n." 

the razor slide across my skin drawing blood to the surface. three diagonal cuts lined up my wrist. i dropped the razor on the glossy tile in the bathroom and leaned my head against the wall as the blood ran down. 

the door busted open revealing shawn with a worried expression. 

"y/n!" he exclaimed bending down in front of me. his eyes stayed glued to my wrist, "oh darling." he took a deep breath and grabbed a first aid kit. he cleaned up the cuts and held my wrist in his hands, "i love you, you know that right?" he asked. i nodded and said, "i love you too."

"then make me a promise," he kissed my hand and looked back into my eyes, "promise me you will stop, or at least try to stop." he begged me. his voice was soft and filled with hurt and concern. 

"i promise." 

a tear slid down my cheek, i quickly wiped it away pulled my sleeve down. i took the lighter back from shawn and put the cigarette back in. i lit it and let a puff of smoke roll out past my lips. 

"shawn," i looked over at him to see him with tears flowing down his face. my heart broke seeing him like this, "look at me." he turned his head. i laid my cigeratte on the pack and turned back to cup his cheeks and used the pads of my thumbs to wipe his tears "you knew i had scars when we met, but when you left i got more." 

hey guys, so my sister just texted me out of nowhere and said, "pack all of your clothes we are going on a 4 day trip," and i was just like okay cool. i was thinking like a four hour trip away from where i live ummm apparently i'm going to vermont.