Kunlun Mountain Part 4 - The Return

Chapter 39 - The Talk

For the longest moment Mo Yuan stared straight at her.  His mind had already worked itself into a state of self defence that he was not sure how to go about asking her the questions he had on his mind.  But he was feeling defensive.  This new Bai Qian was different to the one he had left behind, he was no longer sure of himself or her, his heart was full and breaking at the same time.

Full because she was finally there with him.  The long years of waiting for her to heal had been agonizing, lonely and nerve wracking, but to have her beside him, telling him she loved him, that she still desired a lifetime with him, was more than he could have hoped for.

But it was also heartbreaking, because he could not get Honghui out of his mind.  He knew Shao Wan was back.  He had met with them once.  She looked the same, acted the same and spoke the same, she had not changed.  Though Honghui was guarded and over protective, but he was no longer in a position to challenge him over anything.  He had fallen to the lowest point he had ever seen him go and that hurt, because Mo Yuan still cared about him.

They were both struggling to find their feet, and he could also see clearly, they were struggling to acclimatise themselves to one another again.  For them both, it would be a long rocky road ahead, if they made it at all.  The world was a cruel place, the people hated him, and because she had returned to his side, they also hated her. 

As yet, they had made little progress on the rebuild of their old lands.  Their people had all but deserted them, they were literally the rulers a people-less tribe, and it did not look as if they would return any time soon.

Heartbreaking too, because he did know about her feelings for him, or what Zhe Yan had informed him of.  Not in so many words, but he had heard enough to figure it out for himself.  He learned of the long years of training Gaogui and Ye Hua had learned under his Generals, he learned of the trial she underwent in his harem and he also learned what the man had done to bring him back.

He knew the man so well, that he knew for absolute certainty that he would only have gone for the fungal grass and almost killed himself to make the elixir for her.  Not for him.  And that was the sole reason why he knew for certainty that something had gone on between them.  If anything he knew that man too well.  When he had a woman in his sights, he would do everything in his power to get her.  Once he bedded her, it was over.

But forty five thousand years was a long time to be alone even for him.  If his eyes were set on her, then it was more than plausible that he had fallen for her the same way he fell for Shao Wan.  She was the only woman who made him chase her.  He had to work hard to gain her love, but when he did, he had found himself in love with her because of it.  And he was positive this was what had happened with Bai Qian.

He had clearly seen the desperate look in his eyes when she destroyed the Bell of East Emperor, he had also heard the agony in his tone.  This was the same tone he had heard when Shao Wan died.  He had been told the mans mind had split and he could no longer differentiate between the two women, but he had also seen the look in her eyes when she looked at him.  There was anger, but there was also pain that could only have been born from love.  But how far had it gone?  That was the question he wanted to ask, because if she had given herself to him, it would make moving on very difficult for him.

But there was also what Qing Cang had done to his body.  This was something that would take a long time for him to get over.  He knew it wasn't his fault, but intimacy with her would be affected.  Even looking at her loveliness and the way she had just kissed him suggested she did want to return to an intimate relationship with him, but the thought of what his body had done and what those women had done to him, sickened him beyond reason.  How could he possibly give her that part of himself that he now felt was too dirty and repulsive?  He couldn't.  And he wouldn't dare to.  She was too perfect.  She was a High Goddess of the highest order.  She now stood on a par with his own mother.  A woman like her deserved only the very best, and he no longer felt that he was that man.