Shout out to dysphoria for making me have a panic attack in the bath tonight. Lately my dysphoria has been getting worse and I just want a flat chest and a dick ya know? I have to pay all this money for binders and packets and it still wont be a flat chest and I still won't have a dick. Then I pay for these surgeries so I can get a flat chest, but I'll still have these fucking Scars that will tell everyone I ever meet that I'm trans. I'll pay for the surgery to get my dick, which will be about 3-4 different surgeries and it still wont work like it should. I'm just so fuckinf devastated and I keep replaying in my mind that I wont have to go through all this stupid shit if I just kill myself. I just want to die because it sucks. I have to pay for all this shit and go through it and deal with it every day and itll still never be the way i want it to be. Why cant i just be a normal dude? Why cant I just be cis?. I really just want to die. I can't do this shit.. it hurts too much.. I dont wanna do this anymore.
