I feel like everything's pointless. I feel like I'm working for something i'll never get. I had it once. It was great. But it slipped through my fingers. Im working. Im trying not to let it slip. Because honestly? I don't think i'll be alive much longer if it slips. Old feelings are coming back. It's hard to think about my life in two months. Feelings are catching up. Feelings i thought were gone. And now i don't think I'll be alive in two months. I just. I don't see it. Will it all catch up to me again? I don't want it to. I just want to be happy. I wasn't happy two years ago. I was at my worst. And yet i had the most fun ever. I miss it. I miss the fun. I don't miss the pills or the girl or the sadness. I miss hanging out with my friends and getting drunk and high. I really wish i stayed the fuck away from that bitch. I wouldn't of lost my friends. I miss them so much. Im so fuckkng lonely now. My friends now are all stupid n just bitch and complain all the time. Sure im doing a lot better mentally. I still wish i could go back. I miss them hella and they don't even care though. Never try to hang out or talk to me. What happened to that? You wanted to be friends again and you didn't even fuckkng try. You didn't need to choose between us. Fuckkng. Bullshit. I wish I'd die.
