I feel so fucking dumb. To still have held out hope. I feel so fucking dumb. For still being here. Anyone else would've left months ago. But of course, being the dumbass I am, I'm still here. What for? I'm not sure. There's nothing here for me. Here I am again, heartbroken for the hundredth time. Tears streaming down my face. Shaking. My knuckles are swollen and I can't stop thinking about it. Maybe I should just go. Maybe I'm staying for myself. Staying because I love you. I've only loved you for the last 8 months. I've only been with you. I've only thought about you. Yet it seems to be different for you. Maybe you just don't mean the things you say. It seems like you're trying to do every single thing possible to scare me off. And I just haven't gone yet. Why? Because I love you. I feel so fucking stupid for it. Everyone told me to get out. Every single person. I lost friends for you. I have almost no one. You've never been able to do the same for me. Maybe because I love you more. I guess I won that fight, huh? You never really seemed to love me, or match the same amount of love I had for you. Maybe you love me now the way I loved you when we first met. Is this what it felt like, bee? I'm sorry if it did. I get it now. I really do. It hurts so fucking much and it's so stupid. I don't want to feel this anymore. I really wish I'd never met you. Maybe I'd be dead. I wish I was dead. Life is pointless now. My future is gone. Everything I worked so hard for and built from scratch is just gone. dust on the floor. and I just feel dumb.
