I went 2 sleep @ like 8 pm and i woke up an hr ago and im so fuckjng scared to sleep again my throat closed up so much i feel like i'll just stop breathing in my sleep n my head is pounding and im cold but hot but i don't feel like throwing up i hate this.
Having a cold is worse than being sick tbh.
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Idk why but i dreamt about one of my exs and it was nice. It was like we were still together. Which is funny bc this person is really annoying but then we started talking about one of our mutuals n how annoying that dude is. It was nice ig. Like everything was how it was a year ago. But idk why i dreamed ab bc i only think ab this person when i see them n i know i definitely have no feelings for them. Maybe its cuz the sex? I was thinking the other day "maybe i tried to stay with this person bc i had sex the first time with them n maybe i tried bc of that" maybe i did tho. But it's whatever ig. Im still kinda trynna get myself together from this last chick and you know what? Maybe i need to get better too. Maybe i need to break and reform myself again. Im not saying im a "bad person" i think i make mistakes sometimes and take jokes too far. But like, i graduate soon. Im gonna be going to work and college THIS year. Maybe i shouldn't be focusing on relationships rn? Like if it happens again it happens but it shouldn't be my main focus. My focus should be getting my life together for a future with or without her. Maybe i should be doing that. I don't have her on anything anymore. Ive completely blocked her from my life. It's acrually not been too hard. The first two days were hard. After that it's been easy. Idk why. I think about her a lot and i miss her, i'm just not crying over her. Which is good ig. Maybe I'll stay away this time till i'm ready again. Or maybe ill stay away forever. Who knows?
Ive been writing this for half an hr n my hand is cold n hurties and my head is still pounding so ig im gonna try to sleep. Gn
