Time (Ethan Dolan)

Chapter 53 - She's With The Wind

It had been two weeks since Carson had been gone. I hadn't gotten any better. But, I was getting out of the house more. Just to stop my thoughts from screaming at me. My life was lonely. Very, very lonely. I had no one. Because nobody understood the kind of pain I was in.

At night I could still hear Carson's screams. I could hear her reaching the bottom of that fucking building and I couldn't get it out. I wasn't any better. I was still heartbroken. And I didn't know how much longer I could take it.

I heard her parents were moving. Things like that travel around fast in the neighbourhood. And I hoped that they were okay. I hoped that they were coping. Unlike me. I didn't know who I was anymore.

I open my window and throw my board out. I begin to climb down and when I reach the bottom I pick up my board quickly before skating down the street. The midnight breeze flew through my hair. I close my eyes as I take it in. The feeling of being free.

Tonight I planned on doing something that I didn't know if I were strong enough to do. But, I knew I had to do it.

When I reached my destination I pick up my board and I bring it to my chest. I stare at it as I try to hold myself together. I sit down and I bring my knees to my chest.

"I don't know if it's stupid that I'm talking to a grave, but, you were the only person who ever got me." I say. "Maybe I am stupid for doing this, I just miss you so much."

I lay my board in front of me and I stare at it.

"How am I meant to feel, Carson? How am I meant to carry on?" I cried. "Because I'm over waking up knowing that you're gone. I'm over feeling so alone. Your absence is fucking killing me."

The tears ran down my cheeks. I wipe the hair out of my face.

"I'm sorry for not coming to your funereal. It's just-I can't hear your name without wanting to break. I couldn't see your coffin. I just couldn't." I whimper. "Life without you is tearing me apart. I'm a monster."

The wind begun to pick up, causing the trees to sway. The coldness brushed over my body as it sent shivers down my spine. I dip my head as I stare at the ground.

"I love you." I whisper. "I'll love you forever."