i love u to the moon n back

what happened?

Dreams-
undefined in the mind,
but as crystal clear
as it is murky.
How could barely anything
can turn into something
that cuts you
like his chainsaw?

A deep sleep painted an image
of staring off at another lunch table
where my friends are reuniting
with the one that had moved months before.

He looks different,
as he somehow always does in my dreams.
His hair's a little longer.
His clothes are a little darker.
His smile is much more distant,
his face not as cheery as I would remember.

My friends come over to my table.
The dream keeps him away, though.
Something doesn't feel right,
like something about him
has made my friends feel sorry-
for both him and me.

I ask, "what happened?"
Chris says something
that I would've never taken as the truth
if this was real life:

He got his girlfriend pregnant.

Dreams can be murky.
They tend to be crazy.
I don't even know how my mind created this nightmare,
but it caused me to feel scared.

I try to convince myself it's all a joke,
but Chris' eyes show-
everything about this dream shows-
that it's what really happened.

The one who had moved months before
had changed ever since he left.
He's not the same person I knew back then.
It's as if his life took a turn for the worse.

The craziness of it all-
how he found his seventh-grader girlfriend
and are now having a child
at this freaking age;
how he would talk to everybody else
but not talk to me;
how he used to make everybody laugh,
but now he just makes everybody feel scared-
scared for him.

I wake up out of the horrible nightmare
that is you not being you at all.
I still remember when you used to haunt my dreams,
whether it may be a dream of a reunion where I find you
and hug you as long as I can,
trying to not let go-
making sure you wouldn't go ever again;
or random nightmares
where you disappeared
from the face of the earth
all because of me.

I thought I had gotten rid of you
creeping into my sleep
ever since we were able to text through Snapchat,
but ever since we barely started texting,
you've just...disappeared.

I hope this is all because
you are enjoying your summer
like the person I knew back then,
and it's not because
I scared you off
with the confession that
I did miss you....

Are you the same person that I knew,
or have you changed enough
to completely forget about me-
changed enough
that you took a turn for the worse?

I don't know what's gonna happen
when I'll eventually see you again in high school,
but I'm hoping you're still the Pedro I knew
and not a different person
that doesn't even remember me at all.

Aren't you that same short soccer player
who wore that ugly sweater;
who got his bean bag stuck to the ceiling once;
who had tapped on my shoulder inconspicuously in the hall;
who either made me laugh and mad,
but either way you still were my friend?

I don't know if you are that anymore,
but I'm hoping for the best-
and fearing the worst.

You used to brighten my days,
but now
you darken my nights.