i love u to the moon n back

april 12

I wake up to the same routine-
check my phone and brush my teeth.
Not in the mood for it today.
I eat Vietnamese noodles for breakfast.
I drink whole milk because I'm skinny-
at least that's what everybody says.

I argue with my momma all the time.
Frustrating as parents can be,
still gotta love them,
for they're the ones who gave me a home.
They drive me to school and drop me off.
Then the bell rings and I walk in.
Just the same old routine
for today.

It's Friday today,
and I'm always dead in the morning.
Even he can barely talk and isn't high.
I want to crumple up and die,
but that isn't an option, yeah I don't lie.
Everything's getting more boring lately.
I just wanna go home and sleep already.
Why can't they give us a break?

Stuck in gym and people are playing
with balls and memes-
we're a whole bunch of male sweats.
I'm alone in my own thoughts
as barely anybody wants to talk to me.
My eyes wonder,
but I swear I'm not a stalker.

365, and I'm still not truly happy.
Don't want to sound so super sappy,
but sometimes I wish I could find love.
Oh wait, my bad-did I really linger
on how my love life's future
will bestow upon me?

Class to class, and I'm still somewhat empty.
You see me smiling, but I feel like dying.
Maybe it's best to jump off a bridge.
Good thing the wiser part of me
knows I'll be better off if I keep living,
even if you wouldn't miss me.

I have friends; we can be dramatic.
Too many problems everyday
with this one person
who's been ignoring my questions
for a secret that's mine.
I want to apologize, but she won't listen,
so why should I even dare to try?
I might as well just walk away
today.

Playing UNO brings out the worst in me.
We're like a dysfunctional family.
I could've jumped a thousand trees
instead of wasting my time on talking to all of you.
I act all friendly before going to my real self,
and sometimes I say stuff I shouldn't,
and sometimes I don't even regret it.
Do you blame me?

Today I want to just walk out.
Take my things and run away.
I'm better off without any of you.
I know I didn't kill it today.
Even if there are those
who make it fun and cool and chill,
there are factors everyday
that made me lose my mind today.

I walk home from school.
I'm sitting here in my room...
alone
as always.
Wish I could sneak out
and visit my best friends.
Screw the drama I dealt with today.
Should I solve it or ignore it?
Just let me not be okay today,
and then maybe it'll be alright.

Definitely haven't been my best self every day.
I still wonder how much better I could've been
if karma hadn't stabbed me in the back
for all the things I did in my whole past.
Tell me I'll be okay today.