i love u to the moon n back

before i go

Before I go,
I want you to listen intently.
Don't take my words as jokes this time.
I'm a person who's been hurting inside,
and I think it's time I say my truth.

Ever since things had started to change,
I haven't been as okay as I used to be.
I still miss the days when people
didn't matter as much as they do now,
and all I can ever fear
is losing any of my family and friends.

I once hoped in middle school
that I wouldn't be surrounded by drama,
yet that's literally my life right now.
If only I wasn't so influenced.
I used to have book smarts,
but now my street smarts hurt my head.
"I want to walk away from here,"
are not words I would've said years ago.

I used to be a loner.
Maybe I still am.
I barely had any friends,
but at least I gained some these past two years.
Am I lying to myself?
I feel more isolated
even if my friend circle is wider.
I get so anxious
as they talk about different things,
as they don't remember that I exist.

My head's full of my darkest thoughts.
I bet your head's a secret, too.
I still want to stay for you,
but sometimes I want to cry
and go back to sleep as I die
over and over again.

I swear I don't need therapy.
My best friends are pretty therapeutic to me,
yet somehow all their love is never enough.

I hope I made an impact in your life.
I hope you forgive me for anything I did.
You don't have to worry about me-
I'll be better off outside of this life.
And trust me... you'll be better off, too.

Before I go,
I hope you will try to forget me.
I can't bear for you to keep thinking about me.
Even though when I'm alive,
I wish you would always look out for me,
it's too late
to erase the mirage I have in my head
that you never cared.

Listen to my words before I go.
I want you to take them to heart.
I still want to live, and I will.
I'm just saying that I hope you stay, too,
no matter what.

Stay before I go.
Take me in your arms
and tell me your truths.
Fly me to the moon and back.
Stay before we go.