i love u to the moon n back

you

What ever happened to you?

Didn't you use to be
someone too shy to speak his mind?
When you were little,
I remember when you would never talk.
It wasn't because you didn't know how to.
It was because there was no reason to.
Years go by,
and your mouth keeps running high.
What ever happened
to that little shy guy?

Weren't you one of those kids
who was the top of the class?
You wouldn't even think about breaking the rules.
No time to rebel-
only to study and do what I was asked to.
Now all you can do is rebel,
even if it hurt you and others around you.
Even in school you're not
who you used to be back then.
Now you're just like another teenager.
Still got the good grades,
but now you've become someone
you used to be scared of
when you were just a little shy guy.

Remember when nothing worried you?
When the only things that bothered you
were how you weren't good enough in sports
or didn't know how to tie your shoes?
When your life was so gullible yet flawed,
you tried to find the darker paths?
Well now you've dived too far-
too dark for you to handle,
and now you're someone
who's seen and felt too much.
Now even the little things mean a lot to you.
You can at least tie your shoes now,
but those relationships around you
and how you see yourself....
That's all changed.

Loneliness has always been a part of you, though.
Whether it'd be the small feeling of
how you couldn't play ball
with the other cool dudes,
or like how you weren't knowledgeable enough
for your friends to count you in;
or maybe it's the feeling that sinks in
that even with all the friends you've gained
and all the pain and suffering
that you put up through
to find the friendships you have now,
time and time again
they make you feel like you're still a loner-
even if they tell you
that you're never alone...
do you really believe them?

As you grew older, you changed-
for better and worse.
You know more now,
and you may or may not be more mature.
You're more comfortable with showing yourself,
but to only certain people.
Sometimes you know when to stay silent
and when to voice your opinion,
and sometimes things come out
that don't sound right,
and can hurt you and her.
You still have the small problems,
like how your shoes are always untied.
Then there are the problems
that reoccur every day, week, month, year...
loneliness lingers in you,
especially when you're trailing behind
people you care about
whom you're not so sure
care about you just as much.

All these thoughts, feelings, problems....
What ever happened to me?